Measurement and me.

When I was a kid my dad taught me how to measure lame posts by holding my arm out at a 45 degree angle, lining myself up so I pointed at the top, then counting my steps as I walked towards it.

EXTREME LAMP POST

Apparently the amount of steps is the approximate height of the lamp post in feet. I thought he wanted me to become a professional height guesserer. 

EXTREME HEIGHT

Problem was, my new skill didn't make me become a height guesserer. It just made me wonder what the Nazi's were measuring.

Bandit 

COMBUSTION COMPLETE 

KONY2012

What can we do when we know we’re being manipulated?

Last week the KONY2012 campaign to save kids in Uganda exploded onto the web, instantly reaching video views of over 40 million. Their message is simple. A man in Africa, named Joseph Kony, who leads a military force comprised of kidnapped child soldiers needs to be stopped. We must buy the KONY2012 starter kit that comes with two bracelets and some posters, so that on April 20th we can litter the streets with his name, bringing awareness to the world about this monster. Online, we must send messages to 20 social icons and 12 policy makers, one of which is Steven Harper, so that we can spread the message. 

Whoever came up with the KONY2012 campaign is a genius in their own right. The movie connects with the audience, the posters are brilliant, and whatever tactics they used to drive it through Facebook have send the video viral. Nobody can disagree with the cause so, like wild fire through a thirsty forest, the news of Jacobs’ heart breaking story spread into household conversations across North America. 

So what does this really mean? Because we all know deep down that things start out for the betterment of humanity and end up filling the pockets of corporate machines. We’re not there yet with the Kony campaigns, but it will be a miracle if we don’t end up with another Breast Cancer situation. 

But what are we to do? We all know very well that our lives are run by the mass media. It’s not going to be long before products are stamped with the KONY2012 mark, and personal interests will take up a large portion of the cause. So, although intentions are in the right places, slowly the hands start to beckon the cyber-strung mind, with promises that buying certain products will help find Kony. They are hard temptations to deny when consummation is the foundation of our way of life.

We can’t fight the system, but I don’t think that’s the answer. The only way to get through without feeling like someone else's tool is to use the manipulation to our advantage. This is how we can do it. 

On April 20th, as part of the campaign, the organizer of KONY2012 want the people of the world to place posters on every street corner in the most important cities. Montreal, New York, Toronto, Paris, London, etc. I don’t know what buying an action kit with bracelets and posters has to do with saving children in need, but a group action like paving cities with KONY2012 posters will show us the power of the population. 

That’s what we need right now.

Advancement in technology makes people increasingly fear authority. So, slowly, our feeling of self worth and power diminishes. But the power of ten thousand fists cannot be overwhelmed by any government. Uniting against the rape, murder and mutilation of children is the first step in realizing the unstoppable power of one million voices demanding change. 

Many people complain about what’s wrong with the world, but very little of them decide to do anything; fighting the power seems hopeless. What can one person do against an entire system? But, as KONY2012 may prove, eventually causes move beyond the realm of a single figure. What begins as a whisper, becomes the chant of a nation. 

Even though KONY2012 is going to sell a hell of a lot of T-shirts, and Even though it will eventually turn into a marketing ploy, we should be spurred to action, in our passion and in our rage, to at least try to help these children. Being cynical about it won’t get anyone anywhere and the morale boost that we’ll get as a society, in seeing people from all over the world working towards the same cause, is more likely and even more valuable than finding a psychopathic dictator in the middle of the African jungle. 

Since our lifestyle is run on the premise of constant mass manipulation, there’s no way that we can fight it. Mainly because we’re so comfortable that nobodies interested in change. Instead we should pick what manipulates us, and try and use it to greater advantage. 

In the case of KONY2012, I’m in.

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Kony 2012: Are you in?

It takes power to be able to move the hearts of millions with a single video. If you haven't already, watch it.

Nobody can disagree with injustice. No crime is greater than stealing a child's innocence. So to unite against this cause is more than just the right thing to do, not contributing would be wrong. Inaction is a choice.

But will painting the night with Kony's name really help? I know intentions are good, and everyone involved cares about the cause, but what will it do?

The U.S. has committed 100 army personnel to aid the Ugandan effort, apparently to advise the Ugandans on how to track Kony through the jungle. Sending Americans who live in the forests of North America over to Uganda to advise people who've lived in the environmental all their lives seems counter productive. 

At least it's something. 

I can see this becoming commercialized, something to push yogurts or paint supplies to the public under the guise of "The cause". 

However, power comes from an idea. An idea shared, through various mediums, between regular people. It's not the rich that hold the real power, it's us. In numbers, we are capable of unimaginable change. All it takes is a million voices, yours and mine, to demand what's right. 

So, in light of the possibilities, I think we need to fight for something. I don't think it's a starter kit or a monthly donation that's going to get this done. I think it's action. If painting the streets of Montreal with Kony's name is what we've decided on, so be it. 

I'm in. 

Bandit 

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees

I don't think there's any movie that really puts my last post into perspective more than the new 3D animation The Lorax.

In Theaters NOW

The Lorax is the story of the ambitious Once-ler, who comes across a paradise upon his search to find the perfect material to make a "Thneed". What's a "Thneed" you may ask. Well, a Thneed can be anything from a hat to a boat, or a brand new goose feather coat. On his travels, the Once-ler finds the Truffular (that's how I'm going to spell it) tree, that has leaves softer than silk, all the delicious colors of the rainbow. With a few hits of his axe he fells the first Truffular tree, summoning the Lorax, the guardian of the forest. But the greed of the Once-ler grows ever bigger, to such heights that the voice of the knee high Lorax is eventually unheard.

Well that's the original. 

Brilliant

In the new one, we follow a boy who wants to find a tree to impress a girl. His name's Ted, and his Grandma tells him about the Once-ler, whom he finds and asks how he can get a tree. The Once-ler tells his tragic tale and the boy goes against the will of the salesman of the air, Mr. O'Hare, in order to save the trees.

It wasn't "bad" I would say. The animation was amazing as the animation always is. The 3D effects were not obnoxious, so they didn't get annoying, and the integration of the original story into the life of a boy living in Thneedville worked extremely well. The trees powered by batteries and blow-up flowers sent a good message, staying true to the original intention of Dr. Seuss. 

But, the message was also sprinkled with goodness and shoved into a fresh chocolate croissant.

Looks tasty as fuck

The original Lorax ends with the word "Unless" carved outside the ruined factory of the Once-ler. After the last Truffular tree was cut down, the paradise that had once been lush with Truffular trees became a smog filled, stump infested wasteland. The animals were driven out, and nothing was left. The Once-ler had risen and fallen from glory, and he'd taken the forest with him. 

Unless the Lorax wrote. Unless. 

True story

 I don't think the new movie pushes this point like it should have. It showed the story of the Lorax, and then gave it a happy, singing flowers kind of ending. There was no focus on the fact that the world had been destroyed by the Once-ler, but instead he was told that he'd done good. He had managed to get someone to plant the last Truffular seed. 

What the movie needed was a real hard hitting ending, that sends goosebumps down the audiences back. A real "Unless".

But, the movie was still and movie. A movie for kids. So, really the creators did an excellent job of creating what they wanted too. The cute animals and singing fish added life to the world, and created characters that I'll remember in my Truffular dreams for a while. The Lorax spoke for the trees, and the town of Thneedville realized that we should indeed "let it grow". 

This part makes very little sense...BUT THERE SO CUTE

What the movie failed to do however, was to see it's own hypocrisy. To make the movie get more sales, which it undoubtedly will, the ending was happy and trouble free. They did this to better care for the needs (or should I say Thneeds) of the target audience. Isn't that against what the story of the Lorax was preaching? Shouldn't we think more of the message than the money?

You can't expect too much from the movies though. 

Overall the movie was decent. If you want to go to the theaters for an hour and a half to see bears dancing around with a little bit of an environmental message, go watch it. It was funny enough. If you want to feel that tingle down your spine that can inspire you to anger, courage and bravery in the face of the world; or if you want to really feel Dr. Seuss message, more true today than it was decades ago, then watch the original. 

The new movie was pretty, the original had a point.

Lorax original link (It's about 25 minutes long):
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6650219631867189375


Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Everyone likes flowers

Everyone like flowers, right.

We all want to live in a world where we get to see flowers dancing. We like the flowers to have smiley faces too. You know like swaying back and forth singing a song, probably about loving flowers.

Flowers flowers we love flowers

Well fuck me sideways, we love singing flowers so much that the government uses the singing flowers method to caste things over our eyes. 

But the problems not the that singing flowers hide anything, it's that we know that they're using it to hide shit. This is where it gets fucking insane, because you'd think that, once we knew there was something big and bad behind the singing flowers, that we might try to do something about it. 

Humans, however, are perfectly content with knowing something is wrong and not doing anything, blaming it on the hypnotic rhythm of the singing flowers. 

Comfortably numb

It's easier, much easier to be comfortably numb. If your not a conjurer of cheap tricks, and just a bystander, you cannot have committed an evil. If you watch someone get beaten to death by police officers because of their skin color, then you haven't hurt anyone. If you are witness to a rape, you haven't done anything wrong. 

There's a story I'll always remember from a class I had in the past. There was a woman in New York city that was raped and murdered in front of an apartment building, in which ever resident heard her screaming. Only one called the police, and only after the incident was over. 

We are blind, but only because we refuse to see. 

Bandit

COMBUSTION MOOSE

March Happened

The worst thing about the start of a new month is that it means girls are gonna get their periods all over again. 

Anyway

So what does March have in store for us. I hope it heats up cause I'm getting tired of all this cold and snow. Fuck Canada. 

World Unfair!!

So now March has gone and happened, and commercials in North America haven't got any better. So what can I do other than write a review. Total Rhyme guys. 

But no, Combustion Moose is more creative than this. The written word is so last century. We need pictures and color and sparkles and awesome. So Filming, yes filming, is what we must use to fill in the time that winter takes away from us. Until the basement gets flooded of course. 

Speaking of filming, I'm sure you've all seen this video.

I think this song is a masterpiece, and I can't quite figure out whether the cover above or the original is better. The weird instruments they use plus the emotion of the song itself is beautiful. Plus, somebody that I used to know is the perfect description for a break up. 

So many people become "people that we used to know". It's actually weird thinking back to when you did know them. Like a strange echo of a memory that you accept, but at the same time you feel differently towards than you did at that moment. It's the memory of knowing a stranger. 

Knowing a stranger. I kind of like that. I know which song I'm writing next. 

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Timeline's fucked

Holy shit I pressed the timeline button on my computer and instantly the neatly organized rows of FB things got all distorted and now I have no idea what's going on!

Teehee it's a lego timeline

It was like that motherfucker was just waiting for me to click. It's been there for a few days watching me. Trying to lure the little arrow into curiously hovering over it, beckoning my attention like the little slut of an icon it is. 

Well, was, cause I have timeline now.

But you know what. 

What?

Timeline actually looks pretty good. It's well designed compared to the BS Facebook gave me before. 

So I guess the moral of the post is that, don't judge a book by it's instantaneous takeover of your Facebook profile. Cause it might just look better than the shitty design that was there before. 

:)

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

 

The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

3) The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

Someone once said to me that if you sneeze more than twice in a row that your head would explode. Being six at the time, I believed it.

Growing up, the fact that most of the things you believe are actually just cruel lies, put in place so that your parents can make fun of you, becomes more apparent. The sneeze thing was one of them.

Yesterday I was doing some photography, taking pictures n' stuff, when I heard the sound of an AK-47 firing off in the distance.

This...
THis is an AK-47

I thought 'WTF WAS THAT' and bucked it into the nearest bush, looking out to see if there were terrorists around (always suspect terrorism). All I saw was an old woman walking by. She was about yay high, and walked at about 3 km/h (metric!)

If she hadn't sneezed again I would never have known. But suddenly her face scrunched up, her spine bend backwards and she let out a sneeze like a gun shot. Again, again. They wouldn't fucking stop.

It was fucked up, k.

Anyway I was still in Cock of Duty mode so I hoping my health would regen before she reloaded. I was too far to knife so I spammed the grenade button. I was all out so I was like fuck fuck.

She reloaded too quick. That sleight of hand. So the game ended and the enemy team won.

I got a bit XP though, I can create my own class now.

Fucking Cock of Duty.

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Netflix is going somewhere

This is a quick Combustion from Bandit.

Speed Racer *duh duh*

I was just flixing (that's right flixing) through Newflix (hence the flixing) and I saw that Family Guy and Futurama are on there now.

F-yeh!

Which means slowly but surely Netflix in Canada is going out of the dark ages. 

Plague

And bikini reviews are coming soon! Not to Netflix though just to Combustion Moose. 

I chose this image cause of the little images on the side.
I think they're there to prove that it's a bikini.  

Bandit

COMBUSTION MOOSE

Haiku

The moose is alight

The sky will turn pale and bright

Agony heals us

Deep

Bandit

COMBUSTION MOOSE

Monkey prostitution: Proof that paying for sex is natural

I find it fucking scary that economics and advertising go hand in hand with psychology. Big-shot business men hire advertisement firms, not to show that their product is actually the best, but to trick us into thinking it is. Now, If that's not some kind of brainwashing scheme, I don't know what is.

If you ask anyone they'll say, "Advertising doesn't work on me, but it works on everyone else." And that's the point. Advertising totally works on me, I just don't think it does. And now, they've taught monkey's to use money and my bet is that eventually there going to try crazy advertising techniques on them that they can't use on humans. 

Anyway what I really want to talk about is this article that I was send from Redit. 

Monkey money

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/05/magazine/05FREAK.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5090&en=af2d9755a2c32ba8&ex=1275624000&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss&adxnnlx=1118160068-1EGJuan4FJH1LooxHYd5%2Fg

It's one of those links with a massive code on the end. Fucking archives. 

The article explains an experiment conducted by some economists on Monkeys. Over the course of a few months they managed to teach the monkeys how to use little silver disks as currency. Then, they tested different gambling games, different techniques of sharing and mutual aid etc. to understand how monkeys would react to money. 

As it turns out, Monkeys never save their money, they don't share their money, and they will try to steal it if they can. 

Sounds a lot like people, before society gets involved. 

Something fucking hilarious in the article that speaks a lot to human behavior too is that, in one instance, another monkey actually paid for sex. 

He probably saw the other money hanging from a tree, a little too made up to be spending a quite night in the branches. I'm guessing he slide onto the branch beside her and pulled down the leaf asking, "Hey, you want a banana?"

Then Nature took it's course. 

"This is all you get with one disk."

Once it happened the first time, the lab didn't want the reputation of the Monkey Whore House, so they stopped such rude behavior "to ensure that future monkey sex at Yale occurs as nature intended it."

But that got me thinking. How can we say that our intervention makes things happened in some other way than nature intended. We are are spawned from nature and apart of it. Humans seem to think that what they do is somehow different to what nature wants.

We cry about global warming and destroying the planet. But we're not destroying the planet, we're destroying the environment that allows US to live.

So when monkeys learn to use money and they pay for sex, maybe that's just how it goes. Maybe sex and food are our two main focuses, and whatever way we can get them, we will. That goes for all animals, and when moneys added into the equation, they'll use this new means to fuck.

My point being, people should stop judging me when I pay for sex.

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

BACON

Doctor, take me to the E.R. stat,
For I've caught a love of bacon fat.
Make my stomach fit another slice,
Cause if you don't, I'll jump, Ka-splat.

Bacon

bacon

Racist, Sexual and Self-Aware. What more can you ask for?

A few weeks ago my friend recommended a Netflix comedy called "Community". It looked stupid to be honest and I thought after watching the first episode I would gg from that series and move onto something more appealing. But surprisingly, an American made comedy about the worst community college in the U.S. Managed to squeeze a few laughs out of me.

The story revolves around seven stereotypical characters that all failed in life one way or another. There's the hotshot douchebag L.A. Lawyer now stuck in community college, the black high school jock who go injured during the game that would have won him a scholarship, the nerd who excelled at school until she became addicted to ritalin, the old man who just wants to be young again, the sociopath Indian film maker who watches too much TV, the kind, broken-hearted, gossipy black woman and finally the hot one.

Oh yeh, and the Chinese guy from "The Hangover" plays the Spanish teach Senior Chang.  

As you can see, these characters cover every base. Nobody is not one of these people.

This is the world

The thing that makes the show so appealing is that it's racist, sexuality and self-aware. Even though a lot of the jokes are bad, it feels light-heart, as if it doesn’t matter. It's like the TV show is saying “Chill man. I'm a TV show, I know it. Just relax and watch me go.” Abed, the Indian (duh) constantly makes TV references, and spells out exactly what the episode is doing as it happens. At one point he even says, “I think I'll lay low for an episode.”

Abed

“Community” manages to make fun of societal stereotypes in a lighthearted way, without being insulting or going too far. I think that's what give it it's charm. Like those people that can make fun of you and even you find it funny cause you know they don't mean any harm. Thing is this can be a bad thing too, because none of the jokes are really THAT funny, it's just a chuckle now and then while you wait for time to go by.

It's not top of my list for best Netflix series out there, but it's good enough when you don't feel like thinking too much. After a few marathons of complex dramas sometimes it's nice to indulge in the lesser shows that appeal to the lowest common denominator. That's what the community is, an everyone show. It doesn’t overstep boundaries, or think outside the box.

Instead it's just nice.

Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

The Fruits of the Internet. He-man and Fox Flute

K. So the internet has some fucked up things, some boring things, some funny things, some scary things and some things you wish you could unsee. 

Today I went to a friends house, we bought candy with 1098 pennies, then she showed me this video: 

Well, actually it wasn't this one, but it was pretty much the same thing. It's fucking hilarious. Whoever made it is a genius. 

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

*****

Have you ever found yourself, strolling about the Internet, only to stumble upon something so magnificently odd, that you can’t help but question WHAT THE FUCK you were doing to navigate to such a page? 

Recently I stumbled upon such a video, yet for some ungodly reason, it drew me in and made me listen to it over and over again. As the construed awe began to fade, a sense of wonder was instilled. I began chanting, singing, SCREAMING until the song was the only thing to cross my thoughts at any moment of every day.

This video is a drug. I need a daily dose for happiness, the world has lost its meaning and without it everything else in the world becomes worthless until I hear that chant at the end.

Instant messaging is given a new meaning. Cooking is given new life. ECSTASY CAN BE ACHIEVED. All you need is some HEEEEEEEYYYEEEYEYEEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEEE HEYEEEYEYEYEYEEEEYE. I SAIIIIIII….

Sparc (Spontaneous post attributed to random character)
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

The story of the high school teacher meth maker with cancer

I love Netflix. Because it's cheap and I don't pay for it. 

Living in Canada, however, presents certain difficulties when surfing those flix because a bunch of laws prevent us from watching all the good shit. Luckily for you combustionites, I have taken the liberty to go through those Netflix files and filter the good from the bad. 

Speaking of bad! (or good (or fucking brilliant) READ ON.

Jessie and Walt

Whenever a new TV drama is born, I expect it to be interesting, you know. Like I don't want it to be about three practicing nuns and their difficulties integrating into a new monastery. I want action, I want sex and I want it to be fucking complicated. 

So what better than to watch a drama about a high school chemistry teacher (A lot, Bandit. A lot better). Let me finish, fuck. Okay not so great, but what if the teacher got lung cancer? (Meh) -_-. Okay so what if, to pay for his surgery, he decided to use his expertise as a chemist to cook crystal meth and sling it on the street eventually landing him in a heap of trouble with local druglords and the Mexican Cartel? (I guess that's okay) sigh. What if Malcolm in the middle's dad was in it? (OMG, I love Malcolm in the Middle) I fucking hate you guys. 

The hit new show Breaking Bad stars Bryan Cranston as Walter White, a Highschool chemistry teacher who discovers he has terminal lung cancer. The bills are expensive, his job is boring and his son is disabled! What more can you ask for. Well a lot fucking more my unimaginative friend, 'cause Walter partners with one of his ex-students and cooks the best meth ever snorted in the deserts of New Mexico (You know like New York only instead of York it's Mexico.). If that wasn't enough, his brother in law is a DEA agent, his wife's way hotter than you'd expect and Jesse says bitch all the time...bitch.

Ahhh Jesse, or Jessie, or Jessy, or Jesy. Actually I don't know how he spells it. Either way he's one of the best characters I've ever witnessed in a drama. He's like a druggy with a heart. A high school drop out, living in his own house, who slings fucking crystal like it's nobodies business. But he cares. You can tell. That's whats so fucked up. He acts as Walter White's partner in the series, and really ends up being Walter's gateway into the world of drugs sex and rock and roll, well just drugs.

Jessie and Walt again

The Characters

Before the action and the sex and craziness of the entire concept, the one thing that makes this show outstanding is the characters. It's because they're not only unpredictable, but you never really know if you feel sorry for them. Walter White, for instance, seems like he's doing the crystal thing for all the right reasons. But sometimes there's a lapse in his character that really throws you off. There's a scene where he is arguing with his wife, and after the seasons of seeming like a pitiful shell of a man he says the words that put all of his actions into perspective. “I am the danger,” he tells her, the phrase tear from his throat like starving rabid dogs let loose on a small child. They hit you, and they fucking make you think about Walter White.

But that's not all. Every character in this show is developed to the tipping point. Hank, DEA agent who has a fear of working in the high risk environment of Mexico, yet pursues his promotions so he is not considered a coward. Marie, Hanks wife, proud and superficial, has a problem with shop lifting and lies chronically even when evidence is set before her. Skyler, wife of a high school teacher with terminal lung cancer who goes off for hours, sometimes days without telling her, leaving her to take care of their physically disabled son whilst being like 8 months pregnant. The list goes on. The characters are fucking brilliant.

I love these guys

The Visuals

I don't know who they hired to do the camera work, but some of the scenes are just stunning. At one point the characters are standing in a desert. Walter's in trouble at the time, I won't get into it, no spoilers. But the scene is one big 1080p high definition orgasm in my eyes (Which hurts).

Walters kneeling in front of a man who had taken him hostage. His boss stands before him, two trucks lay about 20 feet from each other. The angle is brilliant, a sideways view so that you can really see the distance between the two vehicles. The sun is high in the sky, and the thin clouds that float over the wastelands of New Mexico, hover over the scene as if they're taking a morning amble. The clouds' shadows are cast over the scene, and slowly crawl over the land, covering the four men, until the cloud passes and the sun breaks through once again.

I think I would recommend the entire season just for that scene.

The Bad that's Breaking

There is one bad thing about this whole series. They should have ended it at season 4. The last episode of that season was so magnificent that it really closed the entire story. It brought things together and left us with questions that don't need answering. Things for us to wonder about when were dozing off on out train rides home. But another season is on it's way, and honestly I don't think it could add anything to what has already passed. Maybe I'll be wrong, but my god did it blow me away.

Just fucking brilliant

Lily of the Valley

If you like any genre of anything ever, watch this show. It's complexity and subtlety will keep you guessing, keep you looking and keep you wanting more. Your feelings are mixed, cause you can't decide who's morally right or wrong. Some scenes you want to convict the characters that not two episodes ago you thought were in the right. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scream and wonder, who is Walter White. An over qualified high school chemistry teacher who's life is slowly wasting away, or is he a desperate man, reaching out to the only thing he sees capable of earning the money needed to treat himself. Or, is he something more, something that cannot even be connected to the drugs, the cancer and violence. Maybe, just maybe, he's something bigger than the sum of his actions.

Breaking Bad seasons 1 – 3 can be found on Netflix. The others you'll have to find somewhere else, like Mega Video (Oh wait).

Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Bacon

BACON

Bacon

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Plastered making Pokemon

"If I was a Pokemon, I would be number 11...Because my only attack is Harden"

I remember a time when Pokemon were creatures of grace, virtue and valor. Majestic beasts that civilizations could use as emblems as they marched off into war against their enemies. It was easy to imagine grand palaces adorned with statues of Pokemon, chosen as guardians over scared locations.

But not anymore.

This be'th a Pokemon

The creative faculties of the Pokemon creators has suffered in the last few generations. To me it just seems that they've run out of ideas. The evidence is all around us, take this for example:

This isn't a Pokemon. This is an Ice Cream.

Vanillite is one of the prime examples of Pokemon trying desperately to "look outside the box." It evolves into slightly bigger ice cream and then two scoop ice cream. I wonder where they got that idea. 

"HAKUATA MEI ICUCANU! YUM YUM!" 

Now, I know that the first generation had it's flaws with one Pokemon based one a large black diva, but you know what at least large black divas are animate. They move around kissing their clien.. I mean children and are actually alive. (Although I don't know how the black community feels about there being a black woman Pokemon; ya know since they get chained up in balls and do what their master says.)

Enough about Jinx!

In later versions of the game, creators began to come up with little tricks to make their lives easier. The first begin the simple "Let's just make that a Pokemon" trick.

For Example:

"Hey, Yamhasu, you see them ducks over there?!"
"HAI!"
"They could be a Pokemon!" 

This is a duck. It's name is Ducklett.

"Ahhhhh, Hakatsunanakoumsai, you are genius!"
"Ahaaaaaaaaa!"
"But look over there, now that's a Pokemon!"

This is a deer. It's called Deerling. I wish I was fucking kidding. Point is the list goes on and slowly the laziness becomes more and more apparent. Worst thing is that they didn't just stop with animals. 

Yamhasu: "I have an IDEA for new Pokemon!"

Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Ahaaaaaa!"

Yamhasu: "Do you see that device in the CORNER!"

Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Why yes, Yamhasu san, I see it!"

The rest of the conversation was not important. After getting some additional inspiration from a frying pan and a spinning top, they came up with this:

It's a flying fucking Microwave

So right now I'm starting to realize that this is going to take a few more angry posts to complete. So my loving combustionites, next post I'll tell you what happened when Halatsunanakoumsai touched himself at night.

This shit makes fun of itself.

Bandit

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Spent a little Time doing some Design.

Hey so my title totally sort of rhymes kinda. I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

So, as you can see I changed the design up a lot today to try and make it easier for everyone to surf through all the Combustions.

I added a site counter too. 1700 views and counting. FUCK YEH!.

If anyone has any suggestions, join the site and leave a comment.

I'm gonna work on my personal page, so I'm out.


Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

I Made a Title. Bitches.

If you've ever seen Breaking Bad, you'll understand. Bitch.

I made a new Title. Comment to tell we what you guys think.

Fucking Love it

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Pokemon and I

When I was a kid, unlike my Combustion Moose compodres I fucking sucked at video games. I was just complete shit because I couldn't figure them out. But at the time I was completely unaware that I didn't know how to play.

My first true gaming experience that wasn't something like gameboy Lion King or Tetris was the all time favorate Pokemon Red. Yes red, no one played blue. NO ONE!

No one gives a flying fuck about blue

I was very young, that kind of age where you don't actually know how old you are. You did at the time, but in memories you have no clue.

I remember Pokemon being one of the most fun games I'd ever played. Not because of the revolutionary concept of using an Rpg level system with constant character switches (i.e. the pokemon). Nay, my adoration went to infinity and beyond that kind of medial, lowest common denominator enjoyment. Mine was more profound  and existential. 

For instance:

:)

I spent a good 3 to five hours on this screen thinking that it was the game. The start button was a little above my level of intellect at the time, so most of my first experience of Pokemon involved me trying to figure out what order the Pokemon switched in (because the start screen rotates Pokemon).

But, seeing as I couldn't figure out how to start, you can imagine how my memory was.

One day I slipped and shit really went down and I got to name myself and Gary (who I named my name too). Problem is I couldn't read so I didn't really know what was going on. I thought I'd reached level two or something. The strange poke symbols would appear across the bottom in a box, then I would be instructed to press "a".

I even discovered a hidden secret. When you held down the "a" button the words came faster. I think the batteries ran out at some point during the process and I gave up and went somewhere to sit down and hit the ground repeatedly (That was my favorite game at the time). 

Eventually I mustered up the courage to breach the swirling title screen and delve into the scrolling number of level two. I re-typed the names then, I made it. Level 3.

The portrait of Ash suddenly morphed into a distorted miget version of the healthy adolescent boy that had only just been shown on the screen. And I ended up in a room.

Now I explored a bit and I thought the house was the entire game. I thought that nothing existed outside of the upstairs and down stairs. THIS TIME however it was not my fault. 

CONFUSION!
Bandit is confused
*duh* *duh*
 it hurt itself in confusion

Can someone, somewhere please explain to me who the fuck decided that the gray piece of tapestry on the floor constitutes as a fucking door. Most of my time was spent talking to my mom, trying to read what she was saying. I found the fucking potion, but I had no idea what that meant. 

Of course, at that age it wasn't a bad game at all. Actually because of the surprises I thought the game was fucking brilliant. I loved how it incorporated three games into one, allowing me to remember order, press "a" rapidly and talk to mom.  

Just wait till you hear about Professor Oaks parcel. 

To be continued


Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE