Thursday, 22 March 2012

Lulu's OP

There’s this new champion in league of legends… her name is Lulu… I think, she’s so overpowered…

Lulu's OP
She has a stupid thing named pix, it shoots me a lot, and it hurts. Whenever she shoots he shoots too… and not only that he can also follow other champions… And when the other champion shoot pix shoots too… Lulu and pix are so overpowered.

Lulu can also shoot a slowing thingy that can hit two champions and really slow us down… And when a jungle is ganking and you’re slow it’s easy to die… Lulu, pix and her slow thing are so overpowered…

Lulu is so overpowered… She can give her allies a speed boost along with an ap boost… And when she casts it on you… You turn into a stupid fox thing… You’re silenced and can’t do anything except run around in circles… Lulu, pix, her slow thingy and her polymorph are so overpowered…

But what makes Lulu more overpowered than anything is her ult… She can use it on an ally and everyone next to her is sent flying! Not only that… But they get bigger and they get a health bonus! All she needs to do is cast it on Cho’gath…. And… Well… You can figure that one out yourself….

Man… Lulu's OP.

Arithmetic Logic Unit

Monday, 12 March 2012

Measurement and me.

When I was a kid my dad taught me how to measure lame posts by holding my arm out at a 45 degree angle, lining myself up so I pointed at the top, then counting my steps as I walked towards it.


Apparently the amount of steps is the approximate height of the lamp post in feet. I thought he wanted me to become a professional height guesserer. 

Problem was, my new skill didn't make me become a height guesserer. It just made me wonder what the Nazi's were measuring.


March 12 - 18

Welcome back to another week that may or may not be exciting.

Let's see where this goes.

Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations.

Tales of Graces f, which is fine for jRPG lovers.

Journey, for PSN. One of those really unique games. This one comes down to just pure exploration in a
desert, as you uncover ruins, and such. Give it a look, it's really something.

Fifa Street. Not sure what makes it “street”. Do you play on a street? Hold on, lemme look...
Yes, yes you do. Seems they're trying something new, a reboot of their Street thing. Good luck to them, then.

Silent Hill Downpour. Might be cool, can always use more survival horror games.

Yakuza : Dead Souls, for you japanese zombie killers out there.

And all of these are out March 13th.

Don't really know why they choose to squeeze everything together onto one day like that, but I suppose
that's why I'm not calling the shots at some big game company.



Friday, 9 March 2012


What can we do when we know we’re being manipulated?

Last week the KONY2012 campaign to save kids in Uganda exploded onto the web, instantly reaching video views of over 40 million. Their message is simple. A man in Africa, named Joseph Kony, who leads a military force comprised of kidnapped child soldiers needs to be stopped. We must buy the KONY2012 starter kit that comes with two bracelets and some posters, so that on April 20th we can litter the streets with his name, bringing awareness to the world about this monster. Online, we must send messages to 20 social icons and 12 policy makers, one of which is Steven Harper, so that we can spread the message. 

Whoever came up with the KONY2012 campaign is a genius in their own right. The movie connects with the audience, the posters are brilliant, and whatever tactics they used to drive it through Facebook have send the video viral. Nobody can disagree with the cause so, like wild fire through a thirsty forest, the news of Jacobs’ heart breaking story spread into household conversations across North America. 

So what does this really mean? Because we all know deep down that things start out for the betterment of humanity and end up filling the pockets of corporate machines. We’re not there yet with the Kony campaigns, but it will be a miracle if we don’t end up with another Breast Cancer situation. 

But what are we to do? We all know very well that our lives are run by the mass media. It’s not going to be long before products are stamped with the KONY2012 mark, and personal interests will take up a large portion of the cause. So, although intentions are in the right places, slowly the hands start to beckon the cyber-strung mind, with promises that buying certain products will help find Kony. They are hard temptations to deny when consummation is the foundation of our way of life.

We can’t fight the system, but I don’t think that’s the answer. The only way to get through without feeling like someone else's tool is to use the manipulation to our advantage. This is how we can do it. 
On April 20th, as part of the campaign, the organizer of KONY2012 want the people of the world to place posters on every street corner in the most important cities. Montreal, New York, Toronto, Paris, London, etc. I don’t know what buying an action kit with bracelets and posters has to do with saving children in need, but a group action like paving cities with KONY2012 posters will show us the power of the population. 
That’s what we need right now.

Advancement in technology makes people increasingly fear authority. So, slowly, our feeling of self worth and power diminishes. But the power of ten thousand fists cannot be overwhelmed by any government. Uniting against the rape, murder and mutilation of children is the first step in realizing the unstoppable power of one million voices demanding change. 

Many people complain about what’s wrong with the world, but very little of them decide to do anything; fighting the power seems hopeless. What can one person do against an entire system? But, as KONY2012 may prove, eventually causes move beyond the realm of a single figure. What begins as a whisper, becomes the chant of a nation. 

Even though KONY2012 is going to sell a hell of a lot of T-shirts, and Even though it will eventually turn into a marketing ploy, we should be spurred to action, in our passion and in our rage, to at least try to help these children. Being cynical about it won’t get anyone anywhere and the morale boost that we’ll get as a society, in seeing people from all over the world working towards the same cause, is more likely and even more valuable than finding a psychopathic dictator in the middle of the African jungle. 

Since our lifestyle is run on the premise of constant mass manipulation, there’s no way that we can fight it. Mainly because we’re so comfortable that nobodies interested in change. Instead we should pick what manipulates us, and try and use it to greater advantage. 

In the case of KONY2012, I’m in.


Wednesday, 7 March 2012

I want sources!

So there are moral arguments on both sides of the KONY 2012 debate. Let's look at the claims each side is making.

KONY 2012

First claim: Joseph Kony is responsible for war crimes against humanity, including murdering and raping civilians and brainwashing children into child soldiers for his army. No one seems to dispute this claim.

Second claim: Kony needs to be stopped by any means necessary, and the charity Invisible Children has this as their primary goal. Their methods seem to be primarily what's being disputed.

Third Claim: That if awareness leaves this issue, United States and other International support to catching Joseph Kony will cease.
Claims against Invisible Children:

First Claim: That they are not fiscally responsible and much of the money doesn't go to directly helping the children the charity is named after, instead a large amount goes to film production and transportation costs. On top of this, they have no internal auditing system like many 501(c) charities.

Second Claim: That they willfully misinterpret the facts to make their case against Joseph Kony and his army.

Third Claim: That Invisible Children gives money to the Ugandan military that is also responsible for civilian murders and rapes. So let's assume all of these are true. Then what we're talking about is a bloated and inefficient charity trying to raise awareness to fight a psychopath that brainwashes children, a consequence of which is slightly funding the Ugandan military that is also responsible for rape and murder.

To me, it seems that trying to catch an international war criminal like Joseph Kony gives your cause a lot of moral high ground. What is most unsettling is not how the charity spends its money, or that their manipulation of facts, but that they are militarized and willing to accept the lesser of two evils to stop the LRA.

I've done a fair bit of looking into it, and everything doesn't add up. Here's my findings and I have included sources. Will probably get down voted to hell but I hope to give at least one of you a better understanding of whats going on.

Theres ALWAYS two sides to every story. This viral film has caught the attention of heaps of young folk but you are all far too late. Watching that Kony video is essentially watching old news. They started filming in 2003, and northern Uganda has been free of LRA violence and war for over five years. In fact, the LRA have signed a peace accord! They are rebuilding and are restoring the peace.
Yes the leader is still out there however the recruitment of children has decreased 80%. This isn't due to the Invisible Children organisation, its because Ugandan military and the ICC have intercepted. The Invisible Children group are trying to pass a bill that allows America to militarise the region... They are providing misinformation to woo idealistic followers. The group have combined multiple regional conflicts to make it appear that this is one rapidly increasing issue. When confronted about their dodgy tactics, the head spokesperson stated;

“I agree with you that leading people to believe that the war is still happening in Uganda is not ethically right. It's something we've been addressing internally, focusing on getting all staff and supporters on the same page (of communication)." If you read the news, or even had an ounce of interest in the on-going unrest in Africa you would already know this and not be fooled. Yes, awful things happen to people in 3rd world countries but this has been occurring for centuries, it isn't a recent occurrence.

I think its only fair if I am to make such comments I provide sources (unlike the people over at Invisible Children...)

SOURCES: Michael Kirkpatrick, a long-time Independent Global Citizen, he has resided in Uganda and other regions of Africa. He has no political, religious or financial agenda. He wrote this article and gave an in-depth insight to whats really going on. He also questioned important members of Invisible Children about their motives. [1]

Charity Navigator is a website that breaks down the proceeds and donations given to Invisible Children and subsequently shows what percentile of that is REALLY going towards these impoverished kids. A measly slither of what is going into the founders pockets. [2]

I've read an interesting passage from Northern Ugandan man however it is not 100% verified - he has advised the Northern Ugandan parliament have listed IC as their main priority on their "fraudulent activity" list. (See 2nd comment, username Livingstone). [3]

THIS article asking Invisible Children why they were pressuring poor AND illegal piece of legislation has since been removed and deleted. [4]

ADDITIONALLY - There were members of Invisible Children were saying what their "allowance" could purchase them, it was on a forum on the official website, and this has also been REMOVED. [5]

Also: [6] I have a few more sources if anybody is looking for a specific answer, or where I got a certain fact, please just feel free to ask.

- Compiled by Eric Provencher

I just want to write everything on my mind about KONY.

I just want to write everything on my mind about KONY.

First of all .. I want to make some comments on the video itself. The director and producer did an amazing job with the way it was filmed to keep people interested, with the way It was filmed. I haven’t seen a video that well made in a while. But the thing that I feel affected people the most, and why the video and movement is so successful is due to one key thing. He made it RELATEABLE. This is so important because people need to feel connected and sympathy and feel what it would be like to be in their shoes. You know I figured this out a while ago while comparing two documentrys I saw for a class. People only care or share when they feel like they can connect or relate to the subject.

The video is extremely important and the awareness he’s raised is remarkable and more people should do this on many issues. There’s so many things in the world people don’t know about and that’s because they’re no coverage on it. We need to start being an action based society and generation where our voice matters and our actions speak. We are the future, and we should know better. Technology is an extreme tool for this and I wish I only saw comments and posts about issues to take care of rather than the new hot celebrity scandal or what a person did during their afternoon. We are distracted by too many unimportant things.

However, I have read commentaries on this kony thing, and it’s true, it isn’t the best documentary I’ve seen one critic says “ he puts his child more in the video than people from Uganda”. Which is true, secondly, it is said that Joseph kony and his rebel gang have moved to other parts of Africa like the republic of congo and that Uganda now is relatively safe , and that people feel in peace now, and that this is an old issue.

Also, if he is number 1 on the international criminal list then why do we need a bunch of teen activists to show they care about the issue for the governments to act???????
If kony gets caught, what about aftermath?.. wont one of his gang members take his place? His child soldiers are probably so brainwashed.
Also, I feel like this has just become a “trend” … since when did EVERYBODY on my facebook list become an humantarian, or activist????????? ….Just saying. Because animals need our help, so many people/species need our help, and people should look into things that matters to them and that they personally care about to raise awareness and action.

As for the cover the night event, I think its stunning if it actually happens, and applaude to us to get our message out to the people and the government, but I do not think we need to send the company money in order to do this! We can make our own!

These are just thoughts on my mind.

-Brittany Talarico

Kony 2012: Are you in?

It takes power to be able to move the hearts of millions with a single video. If you haven't already, watch it.

Nobody can disagree with injustice. No crime is greater than stealing a child's innocence. So to unite against this cause is more than just the right thing to do, not contributing would be wrong. Inaction is a choice.

But will painting the night with Kony's name really help? I know intentions are good, and everyone involved cares about the cause, but what will it do?

The U.S. has committed 100 army personnel to aid the Ugandan effort, apparently to advise the Ugandans on how to track Kony through the jungle. Sending Americans who live in the forests of North America over to Uganda to advise people who've lived in the environmental all their lives seems counter productive. 

At least it's something. 

I can see this becoming commercialized, something to push yogurts or paint supplies to the public under the guise of "The cause". 

However, power comes from an idea. An idea shared, through various mediums, between regular people. It's not the rich that hold the real power, it's us. In numbers, we are capable of unimaginable change. All it takes is a million voices, yours and mine, to demand what's right. 

So, in light of the possibilities, I think we need to fight for something. I don't think it's a starter kit or a monthly donation that's going to get this done. I think it's action. If painting the streets of Montreal with Kony's name is what we've decided on, so be it. 

I'm in. 


Monday, 5 March 2012

Ass Erect

March 5-11

This week pretty much sucks too.

March 6th, we have Street Fighter x Tekken, a weird crossover.

A bunch of sports games spread around the week.

March 9th, Top Gun: Hard Lock. You can shoot planes, and stuff.

And yet another Mario Party on March 11th. Number 9 in the psychotic party series. While the games are fun, one has to wonder what kind of party involves lava, and death traps.

And that's it. A pretty crappy week.

No, really. That's it. Wait, what do you mean I missed something? Fine I'll double check.

Join Shepard as s/he embarks on her/his mission to save the universe from the Collectors, and all that good stuff. Featuring a series new co-op multiplayer mode, and a new engine, as seen on the PlayStation 3's version of Mass Effect 2. Will you choose the path of good, or evil ? Either way, you'll be saving the world.

Wrex, I mean Axl4002

Sunday, 4 March 2012

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees

I don't think there's any movie that really puts my last post into perspective more than the new 3D animation The Lorax.

In Theaters NOW

The Lorax is the story of the ambitious Once-ler, who comes across a paradise upon his search to find the perfect material to make a "Thneed". What's a "Thneed" you may ask. Well, a Thneed can be anything from a hat to a boat, or a brand new goose feather coat. On his travels, the Once-ler finds the Truffular (that's how I'm going to spell it) tree, that has leaves softer than silk, all the delicious colors of the rainbow. With a few hits of his axe he fells the first Truffular tree, summoning the Lorax, the guardian of the forest. But the greed of the Once-ler grows ever bigger, to such heights that the voice of the knee high Lorax is eventually unheard.

Well that's the original. 

In the new one, we follow a boy who wants to find a tree to impress a girl. His name's Ted, and his Grandma tells him about the Once-ler, whom he finds and asks how he can get a tree. The Once-ler tells his tragic tale and the boy goes against the will of the salesman of the air, Mr. O'Hare, in order to save the trees.

It wasn't "bad" I would say. The animation was amazing as the animation always is. The 3D effects were not obnoxious, so they didn't get annoying, and the integration of the original story into the life of a boy living in Thneedville worked extremely well. The trees powered by batteries and blow-up flowers sent a good message, staying true to the original intention of Dr. Seuss. 

But, the message was also sprinkled with goodness and shoved into a fresh chocolate croissant.

Looks tasty as fuck
The original Lorax ends with the word "Unless" carved outside the ruined factory of the Once-ler. After the last Truffular tree was cut down, the paradise that had once been lush with Truffular trees became a smog filled, stump infested wasteland. The animals were driven out, and nothing was left. The Once-ler had risen and fallen from glory, and he'd taken the forest with him. 

Unless the Lorax wrote. Unless. 

True story
 I don't think the new movie pushes this point like it should have. It showed the story of the Lorax, and then gave it a happy, singing flowers kind of ending. There was no focus on the fact that the world had been destroyed by the Once-ler, but instead he was told that he'd done good. He had managed to get someone to plant the last Truffular seed. 

What the movie needed was a real hard hitting ending, that sends goosebumps down the audiences back. A real "Unless".

But, the movie was still and movie. A movie for kids. So, really the creators did an excellent job of creating what they wanted too. The cute animals and singing fish added life to the world, and created characters that I'll remember in my Truffular dreams for a while. The Lorax spoke for the trees, and the town of Thneedville realized that we should indeed "let it grow". 

This part makes very little sense...BUT THERE SO CUTE
What the movie failed to do however, was to see it's own hypocrisy. To make the movie get more sales, which it undoubtedly will, the ending was happy and trouble free. They did this to better care for the needs (or should I say Thneeds) of the target audience. Isn't that against what the story of the Lorax was preaching? Shouldn't we think more of the message than the money?

You can't expect too much from the movies though. 

Overall the movie was decent. If you want to go to the theaters for an hour and a half to see bears dancing around with a little bit of an environmental message, go watch it. It was funny enough. If you want to feel that tingle down your spine that can inspire you to anger, courage and bravery in the face of the world; or if you want to really feel Dr. Seuss message, more true today than it was decades ago, then watch the original. 

The new movie was pretty, the original had a point.

Lorax original link (It's about 25 minutes long):


Friday, 2 March 2012

Everyone likes flowers

Everyone like flowers, right.

We all want to live in a world where we get to see flowers dancing. We like the flowers to have smiley faces too. You know like swaying back and forth singing a song, probably about loving flowers.

Flowers flowers we love flowers

Well fuck me sideways, we love singing flowers so much that the government uses the singing flowers method to caste things over our eyes. 

But the problems not the that singing flowers hide anything, it's that we know that they're using it to hide shit. This is where it gets fucking insane, because you'd think that, once we knew there was something big and bad behind the singing flowers, that we might try to do something about it. 

Humans, however, are perfectly content with knowing something is wrong and not doing anything, blaming it on the hypnotic rhythm of the singing flowers. 

Comfortably numb

It's easier, much easier to be comfortably numb. If your not a conjurer of cheap tricks, and just a bystander, you cannot have committed an evil. If you watch someone get beaten to death by police officers because of their skin color, then you haven't hurt anyone. If you are witness to a rape, you haven't done anything wrong. 

There's a story I'll always remember from a class I had in the past. There was a woman in New York city that was raped and murdered in front of an apartment building, in which ever resident heard her screaming. Only one called the police, and only after the incident was over. 

We are blind, but only because we refuse to see. 


Thursday, 1 March 2012

March Happened

The worst thing about the start of a new month is that it means girls are gonna get their periods all over again. 


So what does March have in store for us. I hope it heats up cause I'm getting tired of all this cold and snow. Fuck Canada. 

World Unfair!!
So now March has gone and happened, and commercials in North America haven't got any better. So what can I do other than write a review. Total Rhyme guys. 

But no, Combustion Moose is more creative than this. The written word is so last century. We need pictures and color and sparkles and awesome. So Filming, yes filming, is what we must use to fill in the time that winter takes away from us. Until the basement gets flooded of course. 

Speaking of filming, I'm sure you've all seen this video.

I think this song is a masterpiece, and I can't quite figure out whether the cover above or the original is better. The weird instruments they use plus the emotion of the song itself is beautiful. Plus, somebody that I used to know is the perfect description for a break up. 

So many people become "people that we used to know". It's actually weird thinking back to when you did know them. Like a strange echo of a memory that you accept, but at the same time you feel differently towards than you did at that moment. It's the memory of knowing a stranger. 

Knowing a stranger. I kind of like that. I know which song I'm writing next. 


Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Timeline's fucked

Holy shit I pressed the timeline button on my computer and instantly the neatly organized rows of FB things got all distorted and now I have no idea what's going on!

Teehee it's a lego timeline

It was like that motherfucker was just waiting for me to click. It's been there for a few days watching me. Trying to lure the little arrow into curiously hovering over it, beckoning my attention like the little slut of an icon it is. 

Well, was, cause I have timeline now.

But you know what. 


Timeline actually looks pretty good. It's well designed compared to the BS Facebook gave me before. 

So I guess the moral of the post is that, don't judge a book by it's instantaneous takeover of your Facebook profile. Cause it might just look better than the shitty design that was there before. 




Average day for Axl

Crap, what am I going to write about today?
Bandit will send that A.L.U. asshole after me if I don't start writing more.

Well, let's see if I feel like writing about anything in my collection.

Assassin's Creed ? Nah, fuck that. Something about Arabs and 2 button combinations to win.

Bladestorm ? I still have that ? Huh. I remember that, it was more like a failed Dynasty Warriors. It was strong in essense, but the main flaw was that you had no direct attack button. You held down a button and your character would swing on a timer.


Dark Souls ? Demon's Souls ? . . . . Maybe some other time. No one likes success stories.

Ah, the pure shit of my collection. The one game that makes me wanna gouge out my eyes. Genji, I hate you, why WHY are you still here ? What's wrong with it ? Well, the only good thing I can say about the game is that it's pretty. . . And that's it. Camera angles are shit, controls are lacking, the battle system is horrid, and Giant Enemy Crabs. Nope, nope. Fuck that.

Lost Planet 2, maybe? I liked that game, even though I openly admit it's a bad game. But it is one of the only games that lets you play with 3 other people to take down giant bosses. So, points. And in some sections, it is fun. It really is.

Sengoku Basara . . . Good stuff.


I still don't know what to write about. Maybe I can make my first manga review!


Higurashi When They Cry ? More like, Higurashi When They DIE, haha, am I right ? . .

Now I'm just talking to myself.

Well, I have to go prepare now. Something about the Terminator coming after me.


Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

3) The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

Someone once said to me that if you sneeze more than twice in a row that your head would explode. Being six at the time, I believed it.

Growing up, the fact that most of the things you believe are actually just cruel lies, put in place so that your parents can make fun of you, becomes more apparent. The sneeze thing was one of them.

Yesterday I was doing some photography, taking pictures n' stuff, when I heard the sound of an AK-47 firing off in the distance.
THis is an AK-47

I thought 'WTF WAS THAT' and bucked it into the nearest bush, looking out to see if there were terrorists around (always suspect terrorism). All I saw was an old woman walking by. She was about yay high, and walked at about 3 km/h (metric!)

If she hadn't sneezed again I would never have known. But suddenly her face scrunched up, her spine bend backwards and she let out a sneeze like a gun shot. Again, again. They wouldn't fucking stop.

It was fucked up, k.

Anyway I was still in Cock of Duty mode so I hoping my health would regen before she reloaded. I was too far to knife so I spammed the grenade button. I was all out so I was like fuck fuck.

She reloaded too quick. That sleight of hand. So the game ended and the enemy team won.

I got a bit XP though, I can create my own class now.
Fucking Cock of Duty.


Monday, 27 February 2012

Netflix is going somewhere

This is a quick Combustion from Bandit.

Speed Racer *duh duh*
I was just flixing (that's right flixing) through Newflix (hence the flixing) and I saw that Family Guy and Futurama are on there now.

Which means slowly but surely Netflix in Canada is going out of the dark ages. 


And bikini reviews are coming soon! Not to Netflix though just to Combustion Moose. 

I chose this image cause of the little images on the side.
I think they're there to prove that it's a bikini.  


A slow week

Feb-Mar 27-4 Video Game Releases

Very slow week this time.

We have Black Knight Sword, a weird 2D platformer.

Binary Domain, a squad based shooter. Seems like another game trying to take advantage of the current Deus Ex hype.

Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition. One K away from being an interesting game. However, just another classic case of "give me your money" bullshit from fighting games.

Devil Survivor 2. I played the first one briefly. Something about Devil's and turn based battle systems.

The funny thing about this week ? All these games are coming out on the 28th. And there is nothing else note-worthy coming out.


To make up for such a lacking week, I request that Bandit post a cute duck picture.

Que weh A khe


Sunday, 26 February 2012


The moose is alight
The sky will turn pale and bright
Agony heals us



Saturday, 25 February 2012




I have made a petition online so that we may vote to have our game made. What we need are: Better controls, more levels, more ships and MORE AWESOME. The game would be a million times better if it had a spruced up set of levels, even a few more option for city trial (which as we all know, is the best of them all).

What I need to guys to do is:

1. Sign my petition
2. Leave a comment for what you should think they should add in the second.


-Arithmetic logic unit

A journey to the center of the Internet…

For a while I've been told stories about the deep web, a place SO OBSCURE, not even a search engine like Google would dare touch. Being the brave adventurer than I am, I set out to find the most awe-inspiring  websites imaginable.

First on the list is a site dedicated to a sport so utterly unpredictable that only the Japanese would dare participate, let-alone film it for the purpose of entertainment.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with : Japanese Bug Fights

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with :
Japanese Bug Fights;
 Bandit Bug Fight reviews to come

1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights

Next up is a treat for all you Fallout 3 fans. Those of you who have played the game will surely remember the infamous Tunnel Snakes Gang from the early-game vault. Well, as it turns out, someone decided to dedicate both a video AND a website to this group of rebellious individuals, and the result is FUCKING MIND NUMBING. One does not simply listen to the entrancing song once… No, this is something that will lurk in your thoughts for years to come.

The legendary tunnel snakes performing their anthem… 

Before I let you wander to this last video, I feel I must warn you that this is not a place for the faint-hearted. This last website is a series of videos that depict one of the single worst human beings on the face of the Earth. In 2009, a man (known only as the YPPM) decided to venture forth into a series of public restrooms to perform inconceivable acts of cruelty to his surroundings and upload his achievements to YouTube where they were promptly removed; but not before being salvaged by THIS WEBSITE.

The YPPM preparing to strike his prey…

Sparc (Spontaneous Post Attributed to Random Characters)

Thursday, 23 February 2012


You BUTTER not SKIM through this.

So the other day, I’m going though facebook in an attempt to find giggle worthy things and I stumbled across this on a friend’s wall:

WTF is this and what's it doing on my blog

I think it was the sheer absurdity that threw me off, and I started just by commenting “mad cow?” as a double entendre. Let’s not get insulted people; you thought it too. But I couldn’t stop there. I love puns. I especially love bad puns that make people shudder.

So I began my assault.

Was she arrested for Bull-ying?

This picture is udderly ridiculous.

I don’t know what she did to get arrested, but the steaks must have been high.

Maybe I’m milking this joke too much.

I butter not over do it.

But it’s just so amoosing.

Sigh. Mooving along.

One quick commentary before we move on. Not entirely sure if woman or man. My bad if I called it wrong.

Futurama... Bitch

At any rate, all this led me to wonder, is there somewhere I could find more cow puns? I mean this is the Internet, so I wouldn’t have been too surprised if there was a few places, so I gave it a shot. (I want you to know I’ve spent two days bed ridden with a lung infection. If you’re wasting your time searching the internet for cow puns without a reason up to par with that, go play traffic tag. Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection; The Game.)

This was an incredibly perplexing search, because I found SITES dedicated to cow puns.

Yeah I’m serious. Forums where the main topic was cow puns. (WHHHAAA?)

Does this not astonish anyone? Am I over reacting here?

I looked this up because I had seen a hefty black woman in a cow suit in jail and wanted to make stupid comments under a picture. Am I to assume that everyone was looking at that same picture when they were making those forums and sites? That would be horribly coincidental and really creepy, for one. Or maybe, this is some really popular screen capture of some furry porn from god-knows-where-the-fuck that apparently the whole internet knows about and I was the last to get on board. (Eeeeyshh…) How would you open a porn scene like that? …
Got milk? (Someone’s gonna sue me.)

It would make it more understandable, but without any reason, I’m getting that people just sit around thinking of fucking cow puns. I’ve heard of people doing stupid shit, but this? COW PUNS? Dedicating an ENTIRE site to COW JOKES? Does anyone here grasp how long it takes to make a website?! And then you waste hours of coding, writing and graphic design to PUBLISH shitty COW puns!? This isn’t just puns people. These are SPECIFICALLY cow puns.

You know what got to me the most though? What really ticked me off? I’m not like those people who waste their time making these sites or LOOKING THEM UP to use the puns.


No I thought of my puns, you lazy fucks. I actually thought of my OWN cow puns before looking to embellish my posts with other people’s COW PUNS that I DIDN’T EVEN COME UP WITH. You’re not even thinking at that point. You’re copy-pasting COW PUNS. IN FACT, YOU’RE PLAGIARIZING COW PUNS. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME


Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Monkey prostitution: Proof that paying for sex is natural

I find it fucking scary that economics and advertising go hand in hand with psychology. Big-shot business men hire advertisement firms, not to show that their product is actually the best, but to trick us into thinking it is. Now, If that's not some kind of brainwashing scheme, I don't know what is.

If you ask anyone they'll say, "Advertising doesn't work on me, but it works on everyone else." And that's the point. Advertising totally works on me, I just don't think it does. And now, they've taught monkey's to use money and my bet is that eventually there going to try crazy advertising techniques on them that they can't use on humans. 

Anyway what I really want to talk about is this article that I was send from Redit. 

Monkey money

It's one of those links with a massive code on the end. Fucking archives. 

The article explains an experiment conducted by some economists on Monkeys. Over the course of a few months they managed to teach the monkeys how to use little silver disks as currency. Then, they tested different gambling games, different techniques of sharing and mutual aid etc. to understand how monkeys would react to money. 

As it turns out, Monkeys never save their money, they don't share their money, and they will try to steal it if they can. 

Sounds a lot like people, before society gets involved. 

Something fucking hilarious in the article that speaks a lot to human behavior too is that, in one instance, another monkey actually paid for sex. 

He probably saw the other money hanging from a tree, a little too made up to be spending a quite night in the branches. I'm guessing he slide onto the branch beside her and pulled down the leaf asking, "Hey, you want a banana?"

Then Nature took it's course. 

"This is all you get with one disk."

Once it happened the first time, the lab didn't want the reputation of the Monkey Whore House, so they stopped such rude behavior "to ensure that future monkey sex at Yale occurs as nature intended it."

But that got me thinking. How can we say that our intervention makes things happened in some other way than nature intended. We are are spawned from nature and apart of it. Humans seem to think that what they do is somehow different to what nature wants.

We cry about global warming and destroying the planet. But we're not destroying the planet, we're destroying the environment that allows US to live.

So when monkeys learn to use money and they pay for sex, maybe that's just how it goes. Maybe sex and food are our two main focuses, and whatever way we can get them, we will. That goes for all animals, and when moneys added into the equation, they'll use this new means to fuck.

My point being, people should stop judging me when I pay for sex.


Tuesday, 21 February 2012

The Game With Weird Town Names

The problem with most MMORPG's is that they tend to be boring when it comes to combat. In most of them, you just pick a single target, and spam 1 to 0 on your keyboard, as if you're playing some weird Guitar Hero clone.

But then you get people that actually try to make fun battle systems. People like Nexon. No, not Maplestory. I'm talking about Vindictus (Or Mabinogi Heroes). It's a free to play MMO with quite possibly the best battle system in the business. It's a hack and slash to the core. You have to time your attacks, your blocks, your dodges. If you can't, then you just take dirt naps.

They have 4 out of 5 playable characters. Each character looks and feels completely different from the other.

First off, we have Lann. He dual-wields swords until level 24, where you can choose to use spears instead. Swords take a lot more mastering, while spears tends to be a lot easier, with decent damage output.

Next we have Fiona. She uses sword and shield, until level 24, where you can choose to use long hammer and shield instead. With sword and shield, Fiona becomes an excellent and quick tank. With the long hammer however, she's slower, but extremely punishing.

Then we have Evie. So far, Evie has the greatest difference between her two weapons. Her first weapon is a spear, which gives her the ability to use spells. At level 24 however, you may start using a scythe to become death itself. With amazing dodging capabilities and crazy damage output, Evie is one of the funner classes to play.

Last, we have Karok. He's a giant with a giant pillar weapon that he uses to bash faces in, and throw at people. At level 24, he gets the cestus, a fist weapon. Making him more capable of comboing. He's also somewhat of a boss killer. He can clash with massive bosses, opening up chances for his teammates to do damage, and so on.

Axl's right, this MMORPG is good.

The fifth character, we know him by the name of Kai. He's an archer class. And that's about all the information we have on him. Seriously. It's been years and we have no idea of any of his capabilities.
Oh well.

Overall, the game can be pretty fun, especially with friends. The raids are challenging, and the story is interesting. The quests can get repetitive, though. And you'll have to run around town a lot to talk to people for quests. But at least the town is small, and you unlock the second town much later.

Give it a try, you have nothing to lose.


Monday, 20 February 2012

Video game Releases: Feb. 20-27

Welcome back combustionites.

This week we have absolutely nothing on Monday.

Tuesday, we have Asura's Wrath. I've been watching gameplay videos. It's a giant quick time event infested game, with a ton of anime crammed in. If you like Dragon Ball Z crossed over with God of War and all that crazy stuff, may as well go for it.

We also have Syndicate, which is what I'm hoping the new Deus Ex should have been.

Excitingly enough, we have Metal Gear Solid 3D Snake Eater coming out for the most unlikely handheld, the 3DS. Why?

And more importantly, we have the PlayStation Vita coming out with an army of games. Fuck, yes.

On the 23rd, we have Blazblue: Continuum Shift, which was pushed back from last week.

And Wargame : European Escalation, which looks like a fantastic RTS.

That does it for this week.

My recommendations go to the Vita, of course. No question about it, if you want a new handheld system, you get that ASAP.

However, as much as it pains me to say this, for those of you that do have a 3DS. If you've never played Metal Gear Solid 3 on a real system, you must do yourself the favor of getting that game.

It is mind-blowingly good.



Doctor, take me to the E.R. stat,
For I've caught a love of bacon fat.
Make my stomach fit another slice,
Cause if you don't, I'll jump, Ka-splat.



Sunday, 19 February 2012

Racist, Sexual and Self-Aware. What more can you ask for?

A few weeks ago my friend recommended a Netflix comedy called "Community". It looked stupid to be honest and I thought after watching the first episode I would gg from that series and move onto something more appealing. But surprisingly, an American made comedy about the worst community college in the U.S. Managed to squeeze a few laughs out of me.

Community tv show photo

The story revolves around seven stereotypical characters that all failed in life one way or another. There's the hotshot douchebag L.A. Lawyer now stuck in community college, the black high school jock who go injured during the game that would have won him a scholarship, the nerd who excelled at school until she became addicted to ritalin, the old man who just wants to be young again, the sociopath Indian film maker who watches too much TV, the kind, broken-hearted, gossipy black woman and finally the hot one.

Oh yeh, and the Chinese guy from "The Hangover" plays the Spanish teach Senior Chang.  

As you can see, these characters cover every base. Nobody is not one of these people.

This is the world

The thing that makes the show so appealing is that it's racist, sexuality and self-aware. Even though a lot of the jokes are bad, it feels light-heart, as if it doesn’t matter. It's like the TV show is saying “Chill man. I'm a TV show, I know it. Just relax and watch me go.” Abed, the Indian (duh) constantly makes TV references, and spells out exactly what the episode is doing as it happens. At one point he even says, “I think I'll lay low for an episode.”


“Community” manages to make fun of societal stereotypes in a lighthearted way, without being insulting or going too far. I think that's what give it it's charm. Like those people that can make fun of you and even you find it funny cause you know they don't mean any harm. Thing is this can be a bad thing too, because none of the jokes are really THAT funny, it's just a chuckle now and then while you wait for time to go by.

It's not top of my list for best Netflix series out there, but it's good enough when you don't feel like thinking too much. After a few marathons of complex dramas sometimes it's nice to indulge in the lesser shows that appeal to the lowest common denominator. That's what the community is, an everyone show. It doesn’t overstep boundaries, or think outside the box.

Instead it's just nice.

Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)


Saturday, 18 February 2012

The Fruits of the Internet. He-man and Fox Flute

K. So the internet has some fucked up things, some boring things, some funny things, some scary things and some things you wish you could unsee. 

Today I went to a friends house, we bought candy with 1098 pennies, then she showed me this video: 

Well, actually it wasn't this one, but it was pretty much the same thing. It's fucking hilarious. Whoever made it is a genius. 



Have you ever found yourself, strolling about the Internet, only to stumble upon something so magnificently odd, that you can’t help but question WHAT THE FUCK you were doing to navigate to such a page? 

Recently I stumbled upon such a video, yet for some ungodly reason, it drew me in and made me listen to it over and over again. As the construed awe began to fade, a sense of wonder was instilled. I began chanting, singing, SCREAMING until the song was the only thing to cross my thoughts at any moment of every day.

This video is a drug. I need a daily dose for happiness, the world has lost its meaning and without it everything else in the world becomes worthless until I hear that chant at the end.

Instant messaging is given a new meaning. Cooking is given new life. ECSTASY CAN BE ACHIEVED. All you need is some HEEEEEEEYYYEEEYEYEEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEEE HEYEEEYEYEYEYEEEEYE. I SAIIIIIII….

Sparc (Spontaneous post attributed to random character)

Thursday, 16 February 2012

The story of the high school teacher meth maker with cancer

I love Netflix. Because it's cheap and I don't pay for it. 

Living in Canada, however, presents certain difficulties when surfing those flix because a bunch of laws prevent us from watching all the good shit. Luckily for you combustionites, I have taken the liberty to go through those Netflix files and filter the good from the bad. 

Speaking of bad! (or good (or fucking brilliant) READ ON.

Jessie and Walt

Whenever a new TV drama is born, I expect it to be interesting, you know. Like I don't want it to be about three practicing nuns and their difficulties integrating into a new monastery. I want action, I want sex and I want it to be fucking complicated. 

So what better than to watch a drama about a high school chemistry teacher (A lot, Bandit. A lot better). Let me finish, fuck. Okay not so great, but what if the teacher got lung cancer? (Meh) -_-. Okay so what if, to pay for his surgery, he decided to use his expertise as a chemist to cook crystal meth and sling it on the street eventually landing him in a heap of trouble with local druglords and the Mexican Cartel? (I guess that's okay) sigh. What if Malcolm in the middle's dad was in it? (OMG, I love Malcolm in the Middle) I fucking hate you guys. 

The hit new show Breaking Bad stars Bryan Cranston as Walter White, a Highschool chemistry teacher who discovers he has terminal lung cancer. The bills are expensive, his job is boring and his son is disabled! What more can you ask for. Well a lot fucking more my unimaginative friend, 'cause Walter partners with one of his ex-students and cooks the best meth ever snorted in the deserts of New Mexico (You know like New York only instead of York it's Mexico.). If that wasn't enough, his brother in law is a DEA agent, his wife's way hotter than you'd expect and Jesse says bitch all the time...bitch.

Ahhh Jesse, or Jessie, or Jessy, or Jesy. Actually I don't know how he spells it. Either way he's one of the best characters I've ever witnessed in a drama. He's like a druggy with a heart. A high school drop out, living in his own house, who slings fucking crystal like it's nobodies business. But he cares. You can tell. That's whats so fucked up. He acts as Walter White's partner in the series, and really ends up being Walter's gateway into the world of drugs sex and rock and roll, well just drugs.

Jessie and Walt again

The Characters

Before the action and the sex and craziness of the entire concept, the one thing that makes this show outstanding is the characters. It's because they're not only unpredictable, but you never really know if you feel sorry for them. Walter White, for instance, seems like he's doing the crystal thing for all the right reasons. But sometimes there's a lapse in his character that really throws you off. There's a scene where he is arguing with his wife, and after the seasons of seeming like a pitiful shell of a man he says the words that put all of his actions into perspective. “I am the danger,” he tells her, the phrase tear from his throat like starving rabid dogs let loose on a small child. They hit you, and they fucking make you think about Walter White.

But that's not all. Every character in this show is developed to the tipping point. Hank, DEA agent who has a fear of working in the high risk environment of Mexico, yet pursues his promotions so he is not considered a coward. Marie, Hanks wife, proud and superficial, has a problem with shop lifting and lies chronically even when evidence is set before her. Skyler, wife of a high school teacher with terminal lung cancer who goes off for hours, sometimes days without telling her, leaving her to take care of their physically disabled son whilst being like 8 months pregnant. The list goes on. The characters are fucking brilliant.

I love these guys

The Visuals

I don't know who they hired to do the camera work, but some of the scenes are just stunning. At one point the characters are standing in a desert. Walter's in trouble at the time, I won't get into it, no spoilers. But the scene is one big 1080p high definition orgasm in my eyes (Which hurts).

Walters kneeling in front of a man who had taken him hostage. His boss stands before him, two trucks lay about 20 feet from each other. The angle is brilliant, a sideways view so that you can really see the distance between the two vehicles. The sun is high in the sky, and the thin clouds that float over the wastelands of New Mexico, hover over the scene as if they're taking a morning amble. The clouds' shadows are cast over the scene, and slowly crawl over the land, covering the four men, until the cloud passes and the sun breaks through once again.

I think I would recommend the entire season just for that scene.

The Bad that's Breaking

There is one bad thing about this whole series. They should have ended it at season 4. The last episode of that season was so magnificent that it really closed the entire story. It brought things together and left us with questions that don't need answering. Things for us to wonder about when were dozing off on out train rides home. But another season is on it's way, and honestly I don't think it could add anything to what has already passed. Maybe I'll be wrong, but my god did it blow me away.

Just fucking brilliant

Lily of the Valley

If you like any genre of anything ever, watch this show. It's complexity and subtlety will keep you guessing, keep you looking and keep you wanting more. Your feelings are mixed, cause you can't decide who's morally right or wrong. Some scenes you want to convict the characters that not two episodes ago you thought were in the right. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scream and wonder, who is Walter White. An over qualified high school chemistry teacher who's life is slowly wasting away, or is he a desperate man, reaching out to the only thing he sees capable of earning the money needed to treat himself. Or, is he something more, something that cannot even be connected to the drugs, the cancer and violence. Maybe, just maybe, he's something bigger than the sum of his actions.

Breaking Bad seasons 1 – 3 can be found on Netflix. The others you'll have to find somewhere else, like Mega Video (Oh wait).

Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)