Cowpuns

You BUTTER not SKIM through this.

So the other day, I’m going though facebook in an attempt to find giggle worthy things and I stumbled across this on a friend’s wall:

WTF is this and what's it doing on my blog

I think it was the sheer absurdity that threw me off, and I started just by commenting “mad cow?” as a double entendre. Let’s not get insulted people; you thought it too. But I couldn’t stop there. I love puns. I especially love bad puns that make people shudder.

So I began my assault.

Was she arrested for Bull-ying?

This picture is udderly ridiculous.

I don’t know what she did to get arrested, but the steaks must have been high.

Maybe I’m milking this joke too much.

I butter not over do it.

But it’s just so amoosing.

Sigh. Mooving along.

One quick commentary before we move on. Not entirely sure if woman or man. My bad if I called it wrong.

Futurama... Bitch

At any rate, all this led me to wonder, is there somewhere I could find more cow puns? I mean this is the Internet, so I wouldn’t have been too surprised if there was a few places, so I gave it a shot. (I want you to know I’ve spent two days bed ridden with a lung infection. If you’re wasting your time searching the internet for cow puns without a reason up to par with that, go play traffic tag. Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection; The Game.)

This was an incredibly perplexing search, because I found SITES dedicated to cow puns.

Yeah I’m serious. Forums where the main topic was cow puns. (WHHHAAA?)

Does this not astonish anyone? Am I over reacting here?

I looked this up because I had seen a hefty black woman in a cow suit in jail and wanted to make stupid comments under a picture. Am I to assume that everyone was looking at that same picture when they were making those forums and sites? That would be horribly coincidental and really creepy, for one. Or maybe, this is some really popular screen capture of some furry porn from god-knows-where-the-fuck that apparently the whole internet knows about and I was the last to get on board. (Eeeeyshh…) How would you open a porn scene like that? …

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Got milk? (Someone’s gonna sue me.)

It would make it more understandable, but without any reason, I’m getting that people just sit around thinking of fucking cow puns. I’ve heard of people doing stupid shit, but this? COW PUNS? Dedicating an ENTIRE site to COW JOKES? Does anyone here grasp how long it takes to make a website?! And then you waste hours of coding, writing and graphic design to PUBLISH shitty COW puns!? This isn’t just puns people. These are SPECIFICALLY cow puns.

You know what got to me the most though? What really ticked me off? I’m not like those people who waste their time making these sites or LOOKING THEM UP to use the puns.

No.

No I thought of my puns, you lazy fucks. I actually thought of my OWN cow puns before looking to embellish my posts with other people’s COW PUNS that I DIDN’T EVEN COME UP WITH. You’re not even thinking at that point. You’re copy-pasting COW PUNS. IN FACT, YOU’RE PLAGIARIZING COW PUNS. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME

ON YOU ALL!

Cuttlefish

COMBUSTION COMPLETE