Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Timeline's fucked

Holy shit I pressed the timeline button on my computer and instantly the neatly organized rows of FB things got all distorted and now I have no idea what's going on!

Teehee it's a lego timeline

It was like that motherfucker was just waiting for me to click. It's been there for a few days watching me. Trying to lure the little arrow into curiously hovering over it, beckoning my attention like the little slut of an icon it is. 

Well, was, cause I have timeline now.

But you know what. 

What?

Timeline actually looks pretty good. It's well designed compared to the BS Facebook gave me before. 

So I guess the moral of the post is that, don't judge a book by it's instantaneous takeover of your Facebook profile. Cause it might just look better than the shitty design that was there before. 

:)

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE


 

Average day for Axl

Crap, what am I going to write about today?
Bandit will send that A.L.U. asshole after me if I don't start writing more.

Well, let's see if I feel like writing about anything in my collection.

Assassin's Creed ? Nah, fuck that. Something about Arabs and 2 button combinations to win.

Bladestorm ? I still have that ? Huh. I remember that, it was more like a failed Dynasty Warriors. It was strong in essense, but the main flaw was that you had no direct attack button. You held down a button and your character would swing on a timer.

Meh.

Dark Souls ? Demon's Souls ? . . . . Maybe some other time. No one likes success stories.

Ah, the pure shit of my collection. The one game that makes me wanna gouge out my eyes. Genji, I hate you, why WHY are you still here ? What's wrong with it ? Well, the only good thing I can say about the game is that it's pretty. . . And that's it. Camera angles are shit, controls are lacking, the battle system is horrid, and Giant Enemy Crabs. Nope, nope. Fuck that.

Lost Planet 2, maybe? I liked that game, even though I openly admit it's a bad game. But it is one of the only games that lets you play with 3 other people to take down giant bosses. So, points. And in some sections, it is fun. It really is.

Sengoku Basara . . . Good stuff.

*Sighs*

I still don't know what to write about. Maybe I can make my first manga review!

*Ahem*

Higurashi When They Cry ? More like, Higurashi When They DIE, haha, am I right ? . .

Now I'm just talking to myself.

Well, I have to go prepare now. Something about the Terminator coming after me.

Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

3) The Traumatizing "Machine Gun" Sneeze

Someone once said to me that if you sneeze more than twice in a row that your head would explode. Being six at the time, I believed it.

Growing up, the fact that most of the things you believe are actually just cruel lies, put in place so that your parents can make fun of you, becomes more apparent. The sneeze thing was one of them.

Yesterday I was doing some photography, taking pictures n' stuff, when I heard the sound of an AK-47 firing off in the distance.
This...
THis is an AK-47

I thought 'WTF WAS THAT' and bucked it into the nearest bush, looking out to see if there were terrorists around (always suspect terrorism). All I saw was an old woman walking by. She was about yay high, and walked at about 3 km/h (metric!)

If she hadn't sneezed again I would never have known. But suddenly her face scrunched up, her spine bend backwards and she let out a sneeze like a gun shot. Again, again. They wouldn't fucking stop.

It was fucked up, k.

Anyway I was still in Cock of Duty mode so I hoping my health would regen before she reloaded. I was too far to knife so I spammed the grenade button. I was all out so I was like fuck fuck.

She reloaded too quick. That sleight of hand. So the game ended and the enemy team won.

I got a bit XP though, I can create my own class now.
Fucking Cock of Duty.

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Monday, 27 February 2012

Netflix is going somewhere

This is a quick Combustion from Bandit.

Speed Racer *duh duh*
I was just flixing (that's right flixing) through Newflix (hence the flixing) and I saw that Family Guy and Futurama are on there now.

F-yeh!
Which means slowly but surely Netflix in Canada is going out of the dark ages. 

Plague

And bikini reviews are coming soon! Not to Netflix though just to Combustion Moose. 

I chose this image cause of the little images on the side.
I think they're there to prove that it's a bikini.  

Bandit
COMBUSTION MOOSE

A slow week

Feb-Mar 27-4 Video Game Releases

Very slow week this time.

We have Black Knight Sword, a weird 2D platformer.

Binary Domain, a squad based shooter. Seems like another game trying to take advantage of the current Deus Ex hype.

Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition. One K away from being an interesting game. However, just another classic case of "give me your money" bullshit from fighting games.

Devil Survivor 2. I played the first one briefly. Something about Devil's and turn based battle systems.

The funny thing about this week ? All these games are coming out on the 28th. And there is nothing else note-worthy coming out.

Awkward.

To make up for such a lacking week, I request that Bandit post a cute duck picture.

Que weh A khe


Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Sunday, 26 February 2012

Haiku

The moose is alight
The sky will turn pale and bright
Agony heals us

Deep

Bandit
COMBUSTION MOOSE

Saturday, 25 February 2012

THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE! THERE IS NO OTHER ANSWER.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT TOUCHES US ALL, SOMETHING THAT MUST BE DONE IN ORDER FOR US TO ACHIEVE ULTIMATE SALVATION. WE MUST FIGHT IN ORDER FOR NINTENDO TO MAKE A NEW KIRBY'S AIR RIDE.

This


I have made a petition online so that we may vote to have our game made. What we need are: Better controls, more levels, more ships and MORE AWESOME. The game would be a million times better if it had a spruced up set of levels, even a few more option for city trial (which as we all know, is the best of them all).

What I need to guys to do is:

1. Sign my petition
2. Leave a comment for what you should think they should add in the second.

That's about it. SO VOTE NOW SO THAT WE MAY HAVE THE ULTIMATE KIRBY GAME!!!!

http://www.change.org/petitions/nintendo-make-a-second-kirbys-air-ride?utm_medium=facebook&utm_source=share_petition&utm_term=autopublish

-Arithmetic logic unit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

A journey to the center of the Internet…

For a while I've been told stories about the deep web, a place SO OBSCURE, not even a search engine like Google would dare touch. Being the brave adventurer than I am, I set out to find the most awe-inspiring  websites imaginable.

First on the list is a site dedicated to a sport so utterly unpredictable that only the Japanese would dare participate, let-alone film it for the purpose of entertainment. http://www.japanesebugfights.com/

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with : Japanese Bug Fights

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present you with :
Japanese Bug Fights;
 Bandit Bug Fight reviews to come

RULES OF JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS
1. Two Bugs to a fight
2. Bug fights go on as long as they have to
3. No outside weapons in Bug Fights


Next up is a treat for all you Fallout 3 fans. Those of you who have played the game will surely remember the infamous Tunnel Snakes Gang from the early-game vault. Well, as it turns out, someone decided to dedicate both a video AND a website to this group of rebellious individuals, and the result is FUCKING MIND NUMBING. One does not simply listen to the entrancing song once… No, this is something that will lurk in your thoughts for years to come. http://www.tunnelsnakes.com/


The legendary tunnel snakes performing their anthem… 



Before I let you wander to this last video, I feel I must warn you that this is not a place for the faint-hearted. This last website is a series of videos that depict one of the single worst human beings on the face of the Earth. In 2009, a man (known only as the YPPM) decided to venture forth into a series of public restrooms to perform inconceivable acts of cruelty to his surroundings and upload his achievements to YouTube where they were promptly removed; but not before being salvaged by THIS WEBSITE. http://yppm.removed.us/

The YPPM preparing to strike his prey…

Sparc (Spontaneous Post Attributed to Random Characters)
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Thursday, 23 February 2012

Cowpuns

You BUTTER not SKIM through this.

So the other day, I’m going though facebook in an attempt to find giggle worthy things and I stumbled across this on a friend’s wall:

WTF is this and what's it doing on my blog


I think it was the sheer absurdity that threw me off, and I started just by commenting “mad cow?” as a double entendre. Let’s not get insulted people; you thought it too. But I couldn’t stop there. I love puns. I especially love bad puns that make people shudder.

So I began my assault.

Was she arrested for Bull-ying?

This picture is udderly ridiculous.

I don’t know what she did to get arrested, but the steaks must have been high.

Maybe I’m milking this joke too much.

I butter not over do it.

But it’s just so amoosing.

Sigh. Mooving along.

One quick commentary before we move on. Not entirely sure if woman or man. My bad if I called it wrong.

Futurama... Bitch


At any rate, all this led me to wonder, is there somewhere I could find more cow puns? I mean this is the Internet, so I wouldn’t have been too surprised if there was a few places, so I gave it a shot. (I want you to know I’ve spent two days bed ridden with a lung infection. If you’re wasting your time searching the internet for cow puns without a reason up to par with that, go play traffic tag. Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection; The Game.)

This was an incredibly perplexing search, because I found SITES dedicated to cow puns.

Yeah I’m serious. Forums where the main topic was cow puns. (WHHHAAA?)

Does this not astonish anyone? Am I over reacting here?

I looked this up because I had seen a hefty black woman in a cow suit in jail and wanted to make stupid comments under a picture. Am I to assume that everyone was looking at that same picture when they were making those forums and sites? That would be horribly coincidental and really creepy, for one. Or maybe, this is some really popular screen capture of some furry porn from god-knows-where-the-fuck that apparently the whole internet knows about and I was the last to get on board. (Eeeeyshh…) How would you open a porn scene like that? …
Got milk? (Someone’s gonna sue me.)

It would make it more understandable, but without any reason, I’m getting that people just sit around thinking of fucking cow puns. I’ve heard of people doing stupid shit, but this? COW PUNS? Dedicating an ENTIRE site to COW JOKES? Does anyone here grasp how long it takes to make a website?! And then you waste hours of coding, writing and graphic design to PUBLISH shitty COW puns!? This isn’t just puns people. These are SPECIFICALLY cow puns.

You know what got to me the most though? What really ticked me off? I’m not like those people who waste their time making these sites or LOOKING THEM UP to use the puns.

No.

No I thought of my puns, you lazy fucks. I actually thought of my OWN cow puns before looking to embellish my posts with other people’s COW PUNS that I DIDN’T EVEN COME UP WITH. You’re not even thinking at that point. You’re copy-pasting COW PUNS. IN FACT, YOU’RE PLAGIARIZING COW PUNS. SHAME ON YOU. SHAME
ON YOU ALL!

Cuttlefish
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Monkey prostitution: Proof that paying for sex is natural

I find it fucking scary that economics and advertising go hand in hand with psychology. Big-shot business men hire advertisement firms, not to show that their product is actually the best, but to trick us into thinking it is. Now, If that's not some kind of brainwashing scheme, I don't know what is.

If you ask anyone they'll say, "Advertising doesn't work on me, but it works on everyone else." And that's the point. Advertising totally works on me, I just don't think it does. And now, they've taught monkey's to use money and my bet is that eventually there going to try crazy advertising techniques on them that they can't use on humans. 

Anyway what I really want to talk about is this article that I was send from Redit. 

Monkey money
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/06/05/magazine/05FREAK.html?pagewanted=1&ei=5090&en=af2d9755a2c32ba8&ex=1275624000&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss&adxnnlx=1118160068-1EGJuan4FJH1LooxHYd5%2Fg

It's one of those links with a massive code on the end. Fucking archives. 

The article explains an experiment conducted by some economists on Monkeys. Over the course of a few months they managed to teach the monkeys how to use little silver disks as currency. Then, they tested different gambling games, different techniques of sharing and mutual aid etc. to understand how monkeys would react to money. 

As it turns out, Monkeys never save their money, they don't share their money, and they will try to steal it if they can. 

Sounds a lot like people, before society gets involved. 

Something fucking hilarious in the article that speaks a lot to human behavior too is that, in one instance, another monkey actually paid for sex. 

He probably saw the other money hanging from a tree, a little too made up to be spending a quite night in the branches. I'm guessing he slide onto the branch beside her and pulled down the leaf asking, "Hey, you want a banana?"

Then Nature took it's course. 

"This is all you get with one disk."

Once it happened the first time, the lab didn't want the reputation of the Monkey Whore House, so they stopped such rude behavior "to ensure that future monkey sex at Yale occurs as nature intended it."

But that got me thinking. How can we say that our intervention makes things happened in some other way than nature intended. We are are spawned from nature and apart of it. Humans seem to think that what they do is somehow different to what nature wants.

We cry about global warming and destroying the planet. But we're not destroying the planet, we're destroying the environment that allows US to live.

So when monkeys learn to use money and they pay for sex, maybe that's just how it goes. Maybe sex and food are our two main focuses, and whatever way we can get them, we will. That goes for all animals, and when moneys added into the equation, they'll use this new means to fuck.

My point being, people should stop judging me when I pay for sex.

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

The Game With Weird Town Names

The problem with most MMORPG's is that they tend to be boring when it comes to combat. In most of them, you just pick a single target, and spam 1 to 0 on your keyboard, as if you're playing some weird Guitar Hero clone.

But then you get people that actually try to make fun battle systems. People like Nexon. No, not Maplestory. I'm talking about Vindictus (Or Mabinogi Heroes). It's a free to play MMO with quite possibly the best battle system in the business. It's a hack and slash to the core. You have to time your attacks, your blocks, your dodges. If you can't, then you just take dirt naps.



They have 4 out of 5 playable characters. Each character looks and feels completely different from the other.

First off, we have Lann. He dual-wields swords until level 24, where you can choose to use spears instead. Swords take a lot more mastering, while spears tends to be a lot easier, with decent damage output.

Next we have Fiona. She uses sword and shield, until level 24, where you can choose to use long hammer and shield instead. With sword and shield, Fiona becomes an excellent and quick tank. With the long hammer however, she's slower, but extremely punishing.

Then we have Evie. So far, Evie has the greatest difference between her two weapons. Her first weapon is a spear, which gives her the ability to use spells. At level 24 however, you may start using a scythe to become death itself. With amazing dodging capabilities and crazy damage output, Evie is one of the funner classes to play.

Last, we have Karok. He's a giant with a giant pillar weapon that he uses to bash faces in, and throw at people. At level 24, he gets the cestus, a fist weapon. Making him more capable of comboing. He's also somewhat of a boss killer. He can clash with massive bosses, opening up chances for his teammates to do damage, and so on.

Axl's right, this MMORPG is good.

The fifth character, we know him by the name of Kai. He's an archer class. And that's about all the information we have on him. Seriously. It's been years and we have no idea of any of his capabilities.
Oh well.

Overall, the game can be pretty fun, especially with friends. The raids are challenging, and the story is interesting. The quests can get repetitive, though. And you'll have to run around town a lot to talk to people for quests. But at least the town is small, and you unlock the second town much later.

Give it a try, you have nothing to lose.

Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Monday, 20 February 2012

Video game Releases: Feb. 20-27

Welcome back combustionites.

This week we have absolutely nothing on Monday.


Tuesday, we have Asura's Wrath. I've been watching gameplay videos. It's a giant quick time event infested game, with a ton of anime crammed in. If you like Dragon Ball Z crossed over with God of War and all that crazy stuff, may as well go for it.



We also have Syndicate, which is what I'm hoping the new Deus Ex should have been.

Excitingly enough, we have Metal Gear Solid 3D Snake Eater coming out for the most unlikely handheld, the 3DS. Why?

And more importantly, we have the PlayStation Vita coming out with an army of games. Fuck, yes.


On the 23rd, we have Blazblue: Continuum Shift, which was pushed back from last week.

And Wargame : European Escalation, which looks like a fantastic RTS.



That does it for this week.

My recommendations go to the Vita, of course. No question about it, if you want a new handheld system, you get that ASAP.

However, as much as it pains me to say this, for those of you that do have a 3DS. If you've never played Metal Gear Solid 3 on a real system, you must do yourself the favor of getting that game.

It is mind-blowingly good.


Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

BACON

Doctor, take me to the E.R. stat,
For I've caught a love of bacon fat.
Make my stomach fit another slice,
Cause if you don't, I'll jump, Ka-splat.

Bacon

bacon

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Racist, Sexual and Self-Aware. What more can you ask for?

A few weeks ago my friend recommended a Netflix comedy called "Community". It looked stupid to be honest and I thought after watching the first episode I would gg from that series and move onto something more appealing. But surprisingly, an American made comedy about the worst community college in the U.S. Managed to squeeze a few laughs out of me.

Community tv show photo

The story revolves around seven stereotypical characters that all failed in life one way or another. There's the hotshot douchebag L.A. Lawyer now stuck in community college, the black high school jock who go injured during the game that would have won him a scholarship, the nerd who excelled at school until she became addicted to ritalin, the old man who just wants to be young again, the sociopath Indian film maker who watches too much TV, the kind, broken-hearted, gossipy black woman and finally the hot one.

Oh yeh, and the Chinese guy from "The Hangover" plays the Spanish teach Senior Chang.  

As you can see, these characters cover every base. Nobody is not one of these people.

This is the world

The thing that makes the show so appealing is that it's racist, sexuality and self-aware. Even though a lot of the jokes are bad, it feels light-heart, as if it doesn’t matter. It's like the TV show is saying “Chill man. I'm a TV show, I know it. Just relax and watch me go.” Abed, the Indian (duh) constantly makes TV references, and spells out exactly what the episode is doing as it happens. At one point he even says, “I think I'll lay low for an episode.”

Abed

“Community” manages to make fun of societal stereotypes in a lighthearted way, without being insulting or going too far. I think that's what give it it's charm. Like those people that can make fun of you and even you find it funny cause you know they don't mean any harm. Thing is this can be a bad thing too, because none of the jokes are really THAT funny, it's just a chuckle now and then while you wait for time to go by.

It's not top of my list for best Netflix series out there, but it's good enough when you don't feel like thinking too much. After a few marathons of complex dramas sometimes it's nice to indulge in the lesser shows that appeal to the lowest common denominator. That's what the community is, an everyone show. It doesn’t overstep boundaries, or think outside the box.

Instead it's just nice.

Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)


Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Saturday, 18 February 2012

The Fruits of the Internet. He-man and Fox Flute

K. So the internet has some fucked up things, some boring things, some funny things, some scary things and some things you wish you could unsee. 

Today I went to a friends house, we bought candy with 1098 pennies, then she showed me this video: 


Well, actually it wasn't this one, but it was pretty much the same thing. It's fucking hilarious. Whoever made it is a genius. 

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

*****

Have you ever found yourself, strolling about the Internet, only to stumble upon something so magnificently odd, that you can’t help but question WHAT THE FUCK you were doing to navigate to such a page? 


Recently I stumbled upon such a video, yet for some ungodly reason, it drew me in and made me listen to it over and over again. As the construed awe began to fade, a sense of wonder was instilled. I began chanting, singing, SCREAMING until the song was the only thing to cross my thoughts at any moment of every day.






This video is a drug. I need a daily dose for happiness, the world has lost its meaning and without it everything else in the world becomes worthless until I hear that chant at the end.

Instant messaging is given a new meaning. Cooking is given new life. ECSTASY CAN BE ACHIEVED. All you need is some HEEEEEEEYYYEEEYEYEEYEYEYEYYEYEYEYEEE HEYEEEYEYEYEYEEEEYE. I SAIIIIIII….

Sparc (Spontaneous post attributed to random character)
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Thursday, 16 February 2012

The story of the high school teacher meth maker with cancer

I love Netflix. Because it's cheap and I don't pay for it. 

Living in Canada, however, presents certain difficulties when surfing those flix because a bunch of laws prevent us from watching all the good shit. Luckily for you combustionites, I have taken the liberty to go through those Netflix files and filter the good from the bad. 

Speaking of bad! (or good (or fucking brilliant) READ ON.

Jessie and Walt

Whenever a new TV drama is born, I expect it to be interesting, you know. Like I don't want it to be about three practicing nuns and their difficulties integrating into a new monastery. I want action, I want sex and I want it to be fucking complicated. 

So what better than to watch a drama about a high school chemistry teacher (A lot, Bandit. A lot better). Let me finish, fuck. Okay not so great, but what if the teacher got lung cancer? (Meh) -_-. Okay so what if, to pay for his surgery, he decided to use his expertise as a chemist to cook crystal meth and sling it on the street eventually landing him in a heap of trouble with local druglords and the Mexican Cartel? (I guess that's okay) sigh. What if Malcolm in the middle's dad was in it? (OMG, I love Malcolm in the Middle) I fucking hate you guys. 

The hit new show Breaking Bad stars Bryan Cranston as Walter White, a Highschool chemistry teacher who discovers he has terminal lung cancer. The bills are expensive, his job is boring and his son is disabled! What more can you ask for. Well a lot fucking more my unimaginative friend, 'cause Walter partners with one of his ex-students and cooks the best meth ever snorted in the deserts of New Mexico (You know like New York only instead of York it's Mexico.). If that wasn't enough, his brother in law is a DEA agent, his wife's way hotter than you'd expect and Jesse says bitch all the time...bitch.

Ahhh Jesse, or Jessie, or Jessy, or Jesy. Actually I don't know how he spells it. Either way he's one of the best characters I've ever witnessed in a drama. He's like a druggy with a heart. A high school drop out, living in his own house, who slings fucking crystal like it's nobodies business. But he cares. You can tell. That's whats so fucked up. He acts as Walter White's partner in the series, and really ends up being Walter's gateway into the world of drugs sex and rock and roll, well just drugs.

Jessie and Walt again

The Characters

Before the action and the sex and craziness of the entire concept, the one thing that makes this show outstanding is the characters. It's because they're not only unpredictable, but you never really know if you feel sorry for them. Walter White, for instance, seems like he's doing the crystal thing for all the right reasons. But sometimes there's a lapse in his character that really throws you off. There's a scene where he is arguing with his wife, and after the seasons of seeming like a pitiful shell of a man he says the words that put all of his actions into perspective. “I am the danger,” he tells her, the phrase tear from his throat like starving rabid dogs let loose on a small child. They hit you, and they fucking make you think about Walter White.

But that's not all. Every character in this show is developed to the tipping point. Hank, DEA agent who has a fear of working in the high risk environment of Mexico, yet pursues his promotions so he is not considered a coward. Marie, Hanks wife, proud and superficial, has a problem with shop lifting and lies chronically even when evidence is set before her. Skyler, wife of a high school teacher with terminal lung cancer who goes off for hours, sometimes days without telling her, leaving her to take care of their physically disabled son whilst being like 8 months pregnant. The list goes on. The characters are fucking brilliant.

I love these guys

The Visuals

I don't know who they hired to do the camera work, but some of the scenes are just stunning. At one point the characters are standing in a desert. Walter's in trouble at the time, I won't get into it, no spoilers. But the scene is one big 1080p high definition orgasm in my eyes (Which hurts).

Walters kneeling in front of a man who had taken him hostage. His boss stands before him, two trucks lay about 20 feet from each other. The angle is brilliant, a sideways view so that you can really see the distance between the two vehicles. The sun is high in the sky, and the thin clouds that float over the wastelands of New Mexico, hover over the scene as if they're taking a morning amble. The clouds' shadows are cast over the scene, and slowly crawl over the land, covering the four men, until the cloud passes and the sun breaks through once again.

I think I would recommend the entire season just for that scene.


The Bad that's Breaking

There is one bad thing about this whole series. They should have ended it at season 4. The last episode of that season was so magnificent that it really closed the entire story. It brought things together and left us with questions that don't need answering. Things for us to wonder about when were dozing off on out train rides home. But another season is on it's way, and honestly I don't think it could add anything to what has already passed. Maybe I'll be wrong, but my god did it blow me away.

Just fucking brilliant

Lily of the Valley

If you like any genre of anything ever, watch this show. It's complexity and subtlety will keep you guessing, keep you looking and keep you wanting more. Your feelings are mixed, cause you can't decide who's morally right or wrong. Some scenes you want to convict the characters that not two episodes ago you thought were in the right. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scream and wonder, who is Walter White. An over qualified high school chemistry teacher who's life is slowly wasting away, or is he a desperate man, reaching out to the only thing he sees capable of earning the money needed to treat himself. Or, is he something more, something that cannot even be connected to the drugs, the cancer and violence. Maybe, just maybe, he's something bigger than the sum of his actions.

Breaking Bad seasons 1 – 3 can be found on Netflix. The others you'll have to find somewhere else, like Mega Video (Oh wait).


Full review to be posted on the website (Coming Soon)

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

BASEMENT GOD: a man who has everything, and it's cheap.

Now, I know many of you already have stores and what not where you buy your favorite classical games, but I have a couple of suggestion. Unfortunately I will not reveal my biggest site to visit for game collectors, I wouldn't want any competition, but I will talk to you about tips and tricks to find all your favorites and a cheap cheap price.

First place to look is, EB games. I know how much I and many of you must hate that place for how they treat their games and what not, but like it or not, their games are dirt cheap (Anything older than the current and former generation is inexpensive).


Shit, but it's cheap!

Another place you should always consider checker is a place called basement god. This is a term coined by me and a couple of friends when we took a road trip to Boston. What a basement god is exactly is a lone man/ woman who owns their own little shop that has a bunch of old shit. I don't only mean video games, I mean anything, old movies, old games, old stamps, hell it doesn't matter as long as it's old and cheap! Which brings me to rule number 4!

Rule number 4: Crosscheck prices.

If you live close to 2 or more game stores and they happen to own he same game, make sure you check the price and buy the cheapest copy (unless the more expensive one is of better quality.). Admit it, us gamers are cheap fucking bastards. And this rule is as simple as that. Spend as little money as possible.

-Arithmetic logic unit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE


YOU ALL SUPPORT CHILD PORN

Hey guy, YOU ALL LIKE CHILD PORN!

So I’m about to bitch more than I’ve ever bitched before, but this good friends and readers, is something that really, REALLY pissed me off.

The Government saw the citizens were enraged by SOPA, PIPA, ACTA, C-11, whatever the fuck they dished out at us expecting us to swallow and accept. These broad, poorly formulated laws threatened to destroy the Internet as we know it, and completely disregarded our rights, Freedom and Privacy.

So, what do they decide to do? Do they agree to stop fucking around in Parliament and the White House and whatever else freaking location they’re clearly too busy blowing each other in? Do they decide to finally PROPERLY represent the voice of their people who elected them to run their respective countries?

Yeah you fucking wish.

Apparently, in the government’s sorry-ass attempt to protect us from ourselves, they come up with a new law that essentially does the same fucking thing as SOPA and pals. But, what are they doing to pass this one, and counter the public outcry the other bills were greeted with?

“If you don’t support this law, you support child porn!”

^ for those of you na├»ve fucks who actually agree with this, get the fuck off this page. In fact, get off the Internet. (Seriously, how did you even navigate this far?)

For those of you who have realized what they’re trying to do, good job, here’s a cookie. Yes, those stupid sacks of shit who probably can’t even operate MS Paint are basically saying that if you don’t agree with this bill, you’re support child porn. Let’s go over the basic “innovations” this law has to offer, shall we?

1) REQUIRE Internet servers to give ANY information the cops want whenever they want, without a warrant. I mean your names, IP address, phone number. Did I mention WITHOUT a warrant?

2) Create a backdoor system to allow the cops to easily access the information on the internet. Jolly good.

3) Now this is the best, and I’m going to quote the EXACT wording from the article I read this bullshit on just to make sure this gets across VERY CLEAR. “Allow police to get warrants to obtain information transmitted over the internet and data related to its transmission, including locations of individuals and transactions.” (yeah, better keep those sexy nudes you were going to send to your boss with your business proposal out of your email, cuz they gonna look right on through them.)

4) Basically grants permission to courts to compel with other parties to conserve any electronic evidence.

So, I have a message, oh wonderful and powerful government, FUCK YOU.

Let me tell you what’s wrong with this.

#1, Every hear of a proxy, r-tards?

Somehow, these assholes are trying to argue that their new wonder-law is going to take those child porn-makers off the Internet and be big heroes. Yeah, no. Not going to happen. This is a clear indication that these guys probably don’t even know how to turn their computer on. This law isn’t going to STOP these guys. They’re going to find a way around it! Don’t they learn? Look at drugs. Yeah, woohoo they’re illegal! I can
walk around in any city for less than 10 minutes and probably get my hands on anything I want from ground up unicorn shit laced with LCD to heroine. In terms of the internet, this is simply called a PROXY, and while these dickheads are jacking off to celebrate their success, the child porn makers are going to come around from behind and surprise buttsex them.

#2, It’s a complete and total violation of our basic privacy rights!

Seriously, what right do these dicks have to intervene on our lives, regardless if we are law-abiding citizens? Are we to assume the government thinks we’re ALL criminals? I’m sorry, regardless of whether or not I have anything to hide, I’m not going to enjoy someone going through all my emails with nothing to justify why they’re doing it! This legislation can so easily be abused, with no repercussions for those misusing it. This very tool can be used to limit freedom of speech and the circulation of ideas that the government does not support, and this WILL be abused. Don’t believe me? Think of PEPPER SPRAY, and tasers. We give the boys at a station a new pew-pew toy and the next thing you know they’re firing it around like it’s confetti on New Years and justifying it with completely ridiculous claims. “Well sir, the use of the taser was warranted, the man, who we had restrained with 6 gun barrels partially up his arse was a threat.” Unless there is a platform introduced that there are repercussions for misusing the system, no law should EVER be passed of this nature. Where the hell is the goddamn democracy?

#3, This bill is being sent out to support a policy that hasn’t even been created.

Remember what I JUST said about misusing it? These legislations would be put in place before a policy to use them on is even on the table! So what would they use their newfound power to do? Good?

Again, you fucking wish. We’re talking about the Government here, remember?

#4, This pretty much is dismantling democracy.

Think about what‘s going on here. This is our government trying to keep tabs on the people that they trust the least, the real scumbags. Who are they? Oh, you know, just the people who elected you jerks. (At this time I’d like to say, FUCK YOU CONSERVATIVE VOTERS. Hope you’re happy now.) Slowly using masks like child porn, terrorism, and anything else you can do that’s shitty, the government is just making it nice and easy to slip into your house and say, “we’re only here to protect you” as they pretty much watch you shower. But goodness, they’re just trying to do good. They’re protecting us from ourselves! Do you also realize how fascist this is? Yeah. Let’s take away the rights of citizens, and give them to corporations. Look around if you see I’m being extreme. Do a little research, it’ll do you some good.

#5 Their argument.

“If you don’t support us, you support child porn.”

Well what the fuck is that supposed to be? They may as well say, “If you don’t help us pass this law that violates your privacy and lets us abuse our power more than we already do, we’re going to line up cute, fuzzy kittens in front of your door and systematically shoot them until you agree with what we say. That makes YOU a bad person.”

Wait, WHAT? The government blackmailing? They’d never do that!

Hey Vic Toews, Mr. Big Shot Public Safety Minister, I have a present for you too. FUCK YOU.

Cowards. You hide behind CHILD PORN to pass a law? Damn, how low has the Gov. sunk? (don’t answer that, I don’t want an answer. Really.)

So you know what I have to say to sum this all up?

I guess since I don’t like the Government completely destroying our democracy, since I don’t like the idea of police going through my personal stuff without any warrant, and since this is about as successful as SOPA and PIPA and all the other piece of shit laws that failed…

I GUESS I SUPPORT CHILD PORN.

Cuttlefish
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Tablets


What do you write on, Combustionites? A home computer? A laptop? Some fancy overpriced Mac?


I write on a Android Tablet. Just about all of my articles were done on it. I imagine it would be hard to just write so much on a touchscreen, but this tablet, isn't any ordinary tablet.


The ASUS Eee Transformer Pad


Now, the ASUS Eee tablet alone goes for around $400. That's already a pretty good price for a tablet. It's a pretty regular tablet too. I actually think it's better than the Motorola Xoom I used to own, that went for around $700. I believe it goes for $500 now.

However, what makes the transformer special, is the keyboard attachment. It goes for around $120.
It sounds expensive, yes. but not when you consider that it actually comes with a built in battery that charges your tablet, that almost doubles battery life. So I'm thinking, around 12-14 hours.

And that's pretty incredible for a portable device. It also has a SD memory card slot and 2 USB ports.

All of these come together to bring you a professional, yet fun portable experience.

If you've ever wanted a tablet, then I'd easily recommend this.


Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

A Collection

It's no secret that I enjoy collecting games, Combustionites, and I want to share my collection with all of you.

Look at all teh gamez

My biggest being my PlayStation 3 collection. I'm also actually missing 3-4 games as well. You can also see a PlayStation 2 game in there, random PC games, and such.

I also love limited edition versions of games. From the trinkets to the boxes, I just can't help myself sometimes.

teh moodels


Would you believe me if I told you I paid 200 bucks for that figure in the third image? Yep.

I also have a rather small NES collection.

teh Nes games

And, a Wii collection or something I unno

Brawl isnt the only wii game

And finally, my really small manga collection.

teh manga

I do hope to actually get the rest of the Higurashi manga's, love reading it. And Spice and Wolf, whenever the next ones are released.

I'll talk about many of these games and maybe even manga eventually. One thing is for sure, though. I won't run out of writing material for a while.

Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Backlog

Combustionites, lately, I've allowed my games to stack up. And now, before I knew it, I have a backlog of games I need to get to and finish. I'm sure many of you have found yourself in the same situation. You are either too busy, or you just don't feel like playing a certain genre of game.

I for one, have KillZone 3 to finish. It's pretty decent, as far as console FPS games go. I just can't take FPS games right now.

Atelier Totori, which I'm looking forward to be in the mood to play again. Pretty fun game.

Corpse Party is another one I'm looking forward to. This one is hard for me to play, though. If one thing gets to me, it's horror games. Playing those at night, with earphones. Horrid.

White Knight Chronicles 2. Which actually comes with the first game, as well. So I think I'm looking at around . . . 200 hours plus, with this game. Oh dear.

Metal Gear Solid HD Collection. I will one day replay through Metal Gear Solid 3 at least. Not sure about 2, though. That seems more like torture.

Just remember, put them away if you feel like it, but come back to them. Some of 'em deserve it.

-Axl4002

Monday, 13 February 2012

Valkyria Chronicles

Many companies try to combine anime and videogames into one awesome package, and it's pretty uncommon that something special comes out of it.

Today, I'm talking about Valkyria Chronicles.

Back in 2008, Sega decided to take a break from torturing Sonic, and decided it's time for something new. And what they created, was truly amazing.

The first thing you'll notice about the game are the graphics, unless you're blind. But chances are, you're not, since you're reading this. They're sort of like watercolors. It's a very unique style, especially for a wargame.
I thought those games were supposed to be grey and black, no ?

Besides the unique artstyle, it also brings an interesting battle system. BLITZ, they called it. Battle of Live Tactical Zones. Basically, the game is turn based. You move your units one by one. As you approach the enemy, they will retaliate. They will usually start shooting your way, making it seem more like a warzone, rather than a boring turn based RPG. They all stop shooting when you stop aiming though, otherwise the game would be near-impossible. It still looks silly, though, like a deer caught in the headlights, but oh well.

The game gives you a certain amount of main characters that you will get to know through cut-scenes and story and such, but you can also acquire other squad members. The best part, they're not faceless, nameless NPC's. They all have names, voices, and even small stories. They can also die, and be lost forever (Until your new game+, at least). I think this is brilliant, really. You can really get attached to these characters, and feel
regret should you lose any of them.

Another great thing in the game, is the "Potential" system. This works both as advantages and disadvantages for your team.

Each character has their own skills, or things they like, and things they hate, or things they are bad at. I had a sniper that hated being around people. If you tried to use your gun when surrounded, she would lose accuracy, which is kind of important.

Others have allergies, so they tend to slowly lose HP while hiding in tall grass, and the such. You even have people that directly hate or like other people, so they lose or gain stats accordingly. My favorite though is probably, I think it was called, "butterfingers". As you walk around, there's a chance your character will drop a live grenade at their feet.

Oh . . . Dear . . .

The story is pretty anime-ish, but not the bad kind. It's pretty decent, never really wanted to skip the  cut-scenes.

All in all, it's just one of those games you should try if you own a PlayStation 3.

-Axl4002

Bacon

BACON

Bacon

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Sunday, 12 February 2012

Plastered making Pokemon

"If I was a Pokemon, I would be number 11...Because my only attack is Harden"

I remember a time when Pokemon were creatures of grace, virtue and valor. Majestic beasts that civilizations could use as emblems as they marched off into war against their enemies. It was easy to imagine grand palaces adorned with statues of Pokemon, chosen as guardians over scared locations.

But not anymore.

This be'th a Pokemon

The creative faculties of the Pokemon creators has suffered in the last few generations. To me it just seems that they've run out of ideas. The evidence is all around us, take this for example:



This isn't a Pokemon. This is an Ice Cream.

Vanillite is one of the prime examples of Pokemon trying desperately to "look outside the box." It evolves into slightly bigger ice cream and then two scoop ice cream. I wonder where they got that idea. 

"HAKUATA MEI ICUCANU! YUM YUM!" 

Now, I know that the first generation had it's flaws with one Pokemon based one a large black diva, but you know what at least large black divas are animate. They move around kissing their clien.. I mean children and are actually alive. (Although I don't know how the black community feels about there being a black woman Pokemon; ya know since they get chained up in balls and do what their master says.)

Enough about Jinx!

In later versions of the game, creators began to come up with little tricks to make their lives easier. The first begin the simple "Let's just make that a Pokemon" trick.

For Example:
"Hey, Yamhasu, you see them ducks over there?!"
"HAI!"
"They could be a Pokemon!" 

This is a duck. It's name is Ducklett.

Deerling artwork by Ken Sugimori
"Ahhhhh, Hakatsunanakoumsai, you are genius!"
"Ahaaaaaaaaa!"
"But look over there, now that's a Pokemon!"

This is a deer. It's called Deerling. I wish I was fucking kidding. Point is the list goes on and slowly the laziness becomes more and more apparent. Worst thing is that they didn't just stop with animals. 

Yamhasu: "I have an IDEA for new Pokemon!"
Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Ahaaaaaa!"
Yamhasu: "Do you see that device in the CORNER!"
Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Why yes, Yamhasu san, I see it!"

The rest of the conversation was not important. After getting some additional inspiration from a frying pan and a spinning top, they came up with this:

Magnezone artwork by Ken Sugimori
It's a flying fucking Microwave

So right now I'm starting to realize that this is going to take a few more angry posts to complete. So my loving combustionites, next post I'll tell you what happened when Halatsunanakoumsai touched himself at night.

Tynamo artwork by Ken Sugimori
This shit makes fun of itself.

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Video game Releases: Feb. 13-19

Let's see if anything interesting is coming out this week gamers!

Bandit: This is scary as fuck


Feb. 14

We have Jagged Alliance: Back in Action. Poor thing, has a lot to live up to. The old Jagged Alliance games were pretty awesome. Maybe it should have stayed retired.

Crusader Kings 2, which is about conquering or something.

Blazblue Continuum Shift Extend, the next money eater by Aksys, also known as "we haven't really changed anything, but give us your money anyway".

Tales of the Abyss 3DS, for you 5 people that own that system.

SSX, for all you snowboarders out there. Or those really lazy people, rather.

Another The Sims 3 DLC, pack, thing. . . Good, we needed another one of those.

And finally, something good, Twisted Metal. Now that's one game that is certainly welcome.


Feb. 15

Pretty empty, with the exception being Alan Wake: American Nightmare. I imagine an American nightmare would involve some sort of geography test.


Feb. 16

Also empty, aside for Alan Wake, the PC version.


And that about does it for this week.


Axl4002

COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Pop Fiction

Believe it or not readers, but a while ago, the Internet didn't exist. (Bandit: Gasp!)

Which means that people couldn't share information as easily. People could get away with lies much easier. You could spread myths and rumors, and it could take years before anyone could find out the truth.

What exactly am I talking about ? Videogame myths.

Perhaps years back, you may have heard of this rumor as I have. It was a myth about the classic game, The Legend of Zelda : A Link to the Past. People talked about reading, or even seeing, a secret room in the game.
They called it the "Money room", since it was supposedly filled with blue rupees. Others also called it the "Chris Houlihan" room, once again, supposedly something they read in the room.

As a kid, hearing of such things would push an uninterested "huh . . ." out of me. But now, as an immature adult, I'm beyond interested in such things. I love videogame myths, easter eggs, and all that stuff.

Now, let me tell you about a certain series on the popular website, Gametrailers. If you look past all the blind fanboyism, and the numbers in the reviews, you'll see something they call "Pop-fiction".

They currently have 20 episodes, where they explore certain myths about games, such as the Chris Houlihan room myth.

It is by far, one of the best series I've ever watched on the Internet, and everyone should give it a watch.

(Direct link : http://www.gametrailers.com/game/pop-fiction/13123 )

Axl4002
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Saturday, 11 February 2012

Spent a little Time doing some Design.

Hey so my title totally sort of rhymes kinda. I'm a poet and I didn't know it.

So, as you can see I changed the design up a lot today to try and make it easier for everyone to surf through all the Combustions.

I added a site counter too. 1700 views and counting. FUCK YEH!.

If anyone has any suggestions, join the site and leave a comment.

I'm gonna work on my personal page, so I'm out.


Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Friday, 10 February 2012

I Made a Title. Bitches.

If you've ever seen Breaking Bad, you'll understand. Bitch.

I made a new Title. Comment to tell we what you guys think.

Fucking Love it

Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Thursday, 9 February 2012

DUPLICATES!!!

Something I do very often, is buy a game, only to come home and realize that I already owned that game. "Well gosh darnit", I say to myself as I look through the shelf to place it in my flawless alphabetic order, "I already own this one...".
Yep, that's 2 Dr. Marios
And some of you may be thinking... "Jeez this guy is an idiot... He bought the same game twice...", but the fact is when you start to have about 100 different games you begin to lose track quite easily...
Which brings me to my next rule for collecting game:

Rule number 3: Always have a ready list on. Or just a list of games in general.

It's always good to know how many and exactly which games you have, so that when you're out on a shopping spree and see some good deals, you don't go too crazy and end up buying duplicates. Another good use for a list of games is when someone wants to get you a birthday/Christmas gift. Many times someone will ask you what you want as a gift, just give them your list and have them run around buying you a game. It's an easy cheap gift (depending on the game). So if you're the friend of a collector or are on yourself, force them or yourself to make a list.

Join me next week for more on this very.... enthralling subject.

-Arithmetic logic unit.
COMBUSTION COMPLETE

Pokemon and I

When I was a kid, unlike my Combustion Moose compodres I fucking sucked at video games. I was just complete shit because I couldn't figure them out. But at the time I was completely unaware that I didn't know how to play.

My first true gaming experience that wasn't something like gameboy Lion King or Tetris was the all time favorate Pokemon Red. Yes red, no one played blue. NO ONE!

No one gives a flying fuck about blue
I was very young, that kind of age where you don't actually know how old you are. You did at the time, but in memories you have no clue.

I remember Pokemon being one of the most fun games I'd ever played. Not because of the revolutionary concept of using an Rpg level system with constant character switches (i.e. the pokemon). Nay, my adoration went to infinity and beyond that kind of medial, lowest common denominator enjoyment. Mine was more profound  and existential. 

For instance:

:)

I spent a good 3 to five hours on this screen thinking that it was the game. The start button was a little above my level of intellect at the time, so most of my first experience of Pokemon involved me trying to figure out what order the Pokemon switched in (because the start screen rotates Pokemon).

But, seeing as I couldn't figure out how to start, you can imagine how my memory was.

One day I slipped and shit really went down and I got to name myself and Gary (who I named my name too). Problem is I couldn't read so I didn't really know what was going on. I thought I'd reached level two or something. The strange poke symbols would appear across the bottom in a box, then I would be instructed to press "a".

I even discovered a hidden secret. When you held down the "a" button the words came faster. I think the batteries ran out at some point during the process and I gave up and went somewhere to sit down and hit the ground repeatedly (That was my favorite game at the time). 

Eventually I mustered up the courage to breach the swirling title screen and delve into the scrolling number of level two. I re-typed the names then, I made it. Level 3.

The portrait of Ash suddenly morphed into a distorted miget version of the healthy adolescent boy that had only just been shown on the screen. And I ended up in a room.

Now I explored a bit and I thought the house was the entire game. I thought that nothing existed outside of the upstairs and down stairs. THIS TIME however it was not my fault. 


CONFUSION!
Bandit is confused
*duh* *duh*
 it hurt itself in confusion
Can someone, somewhere please explain to me who the fuck decided that the gray piece of tapestry on the floor constitutes as a fucking door. Most of my time was spent talking to my mom, trying to read what she was saying. I found the fucking potion, but I had no idea what that meant. 

Of course, at that age it wasn't a bad game at all. Actually because of the surprises I thought the game was fucking brilliant. I loved how it incorporated three games into one, allowing me to remember order, press "a" rapidly and talk to mom.  

Just wait till you hear about Professor Oaks parcel. 

To be continued


Bandit
COMBUSTION COMPLETE