Sunday, 12 February 2012

Plastered making Pokemon

"If I was a Pokemon, I would be number 11...Because my only attack is Harden"

I remember a time when Pokemon were creatures of grace, virtue and valor. Majestic beasts that civilizations could use as emblems as they marched off into war against their enemies. It was easy to imagine grand palaces adorned with statues of Pokemon, chosen as guardians over scared locations.

But not anymore.

This be'th a Pokemon

The creative faculties of the Pokemon creators has suffered in the last few generations. To me it just seems that they've run out of ideas. The evidence is all around us, take this for example:

This isn't a Pokemon. This is an Ice Cream.

Vanillite is one of the prime examples of Pokemon trying desperately to "look outside the box." It evolves into slightly bigger ice cream and then two scoop ice cream. I wonder where they got that idea. 


Now, I know that the first generation had it's flaws with one Pokemon based one a large black diva, but you know what at least large black divas are animate. They move around kissing their clien.. I mean children and are actually alive. (Although I don't know how the black community feels about there being a black woman Pokemon; ya know since they get chained up in balls and do what their master says.)

Enough about Jinx!

In later versions of the game, creators began to come up with little tricks to make their lives easier. The first begin the simple "Let's just make that a Pokemon" trick.

For Example:
"Hey, Yamhasu, you see them ducks over there?!"
"They could be a Pokemon!" 

This is a duck. It's name is Ducklett.

Deerling artwork by Ken Sugimori
"Ahhhhh, Hakatsunanakoumsai, you are genius!"
"But look over there, now that's a Pokemon!"

This is a deer. It's called Deerling. I wish I was fucking kidding. Point is the list goes on and slowly the laziness becomes more and more apparent. Worst thing is that they didn't just stop with animals. 

Yamhasu: "I have an IDEA for new Pokemon!"
Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Ahaaaaaa!"
Yamhasu: "Do you see that device in the CORNER!"
Hakatsunanakoumsai: "Why yes, Yamhasu san, I see it!"

The rest of the conversation was not important. After getting some additional inspiration from a frying pan and a spinning top, they came up with this:

Magnezone artwork by Ken Sugimori
It's a flying fucking Microwave

So right now I'm starting to realize that this is going to take a few more angry posts to complete. So my loving combustionites, next post I'll tell you what happened when Halatsunanakoumsai touched himself at night.

Tynamo artwork by Ken Sugimori
This shit makes fun of itself.


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